I've been committed to Illinois College since I first toured in December. I instantly fell in love with the campus it was absolutely beautiful, and the people were even better they were so warm, welcoming and kind. I could truly see myself doing great things there. I received so many scholarships from them and for that I'm so grateful. I had everything in line to go there all I had left to do was placement testing and my orientation, where I would register for classes. But as the days until graduation grew closer and closer I began to question my decision.

In March I once again visited Illinois College, but something felt different. I began to worry about how I would pay for such an expensive school. For those of you who don't know Illinois College is a private school so it does not receive funds from the state, therefore it costs more to attend. In total without scholarship money and financial aid it costs around $42,000 a year to attend. I had received about $31,000 in scholarship money from them, but I was told that most of the scholarships were non renewable. That meant that I could only receive them my first year, and after that I would not get them. With that $31,000 all I would have to pay out of pocket for my first year was $11,000. I obviously do not have that kind of money. I knew that I had two options, take out student loans or work all summer and try to make enough. I wanted to avoid loans at all costs, so I decided that I would work. But then I began to think, what would I do for the next three years when the money I would have to pay out of pocket would increase, because my biggest scholarships were not renewable. I quickly realized that I would mostly likely have to take out loans, and did not want that. I knew that I didn't want to be in debt for the rest of my life, but I also wanted a good education.

And then April rolled around one month closer to graduation. In April is when I really started to worry more about college and my future. I realised that I was about to graduate and go out in the real world and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I didn't want to waste money going to college if I didn't know what the heck I wanted to do with my life. All throughout high school I was an honor student and I worked extremely hard. I think that honor students have so much pressure put on them to have a set plan, and know what college and career they want to go into. I most definitely felt this pressure. I felt like I was the only one who had no idea what they want to do with their life. I felt like I was such a good student that I couldn't just not go to a 4-year College.

Once May hit I was a complete mess. I was sentimental about everything. I was scared to graduate. I was just sad to leave behind everything I've ever known. I also begin to cherish spending time with my family a lot more. For those of you who don't know my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer and put on hospice, he was not doing well and I was just wanted to spend as much time with him and the rest of my family as I possibly could. I knew that when I went away for college that I wouldn't get to see my family a lot and that made me feel sad. I'm one of those people who likes just staying at home and being around family, and I knew that not having that would tear me apart. I came home from school one day and broke down crying, I was stressed out and I didn't know what to do, and that's when I made the decision that I would not be attending Illinois College.

This fall I will be attending Lincoln Land Community College in Springfield. I made the decision four days before graduation, and I haven't really talked much about it. I know this may come as a shock to most of you, but it's what's best for me. I gave up $31,000 in scholarships, and the opportunity to attend a wonderful school, but I think LLCC is what's best for me. I can now spend way less money for my education, and be close to home with my family.