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Why Having Wine Is Better Than Having A Boyfriend

It's a special bond that you can't have with a human.

Jun 27, 2016

Why Having Wine Is Better Than Having A Boyfriend

Let me state the obvious. Dating is hard. Dating sucks. Trying to find someone worthwhile is difficult. On the contrary, I know that when you do find someone who complements you in ways you didn't know was possible, it can make for a great relationship. No matter what though, every relationship has its troubles. Sometimes, you just need a night with the one thing that, no matter what, will not judge you.

Your girlfriends are great, but that's not what I'm referring to. That thing is wine. What happens in a wine night, stays in a wine night. It's like Vegas in your own living room. For all of you wine-o's out there who are just like me, you're sure to understand. This is why wine is a better boyfriend than, well, a boyfriend.

1. You can drunk cry in front of wine and it won’t judge you.

Every girl needs a good cry now and then. When you cry in front of wine, it doesn't care if your mascara is running down your face or if snot is pouring out of your nose. It just lets you do what you have to do.

2. It doesn’t care what you’re wearing.

A messy bun and your largest pair of sweatpants is totally acceptable. It still thinks you're beautiful.

3. Wine will watch whatever you want on television.

No fighting over the remote or what movie to play on Netflix. It's all up to you!

4. You can eat anything and everything without feeling guilty.

Because binge eating a whole bag of potato chips just feels right when it's with you and wine.

5. You can talk to yourself without the commentary of a boyfriend.

Your day was hard. You need to complain about that witch in your office. Do it freely with wine. It listens, unlike most men.

6. It won’t tell you you’re overreacting.

When something bothers you and you express it to your wine, it totally agrees with everything you say. Hell, it even encourages you to pour another glass because you deserve it.

7. Your dancing skills are phenomenal, according to wine.

A real boyfriend might refer to it as sub-par and who needs that kind of negativity?

8. It doesn’t care how drunk you are.

Dance. Laugh to yourself. Trip on your way to the bathroom. Wine doesn't care.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Why Having Wine Is Better Than Having A Boyfriend

It's a special bond that you can't have with a human.

1. You can drunk cry in front of wine and it won’t judge you.

2. It doesn’t care what you’re wearing.

3. Wine will watch whatever you want on television.

4. You can eat anything and everything without feeling guilty.

5. You can talk to yourself without the commentary of a boyfriend.

6. It won’t tell you you’re overreacting.

7. Your dancing skills are phenomenal, according to wine.

8. It doesn’t care how drunk you are.

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You are fun, but firm.

"Getting drunk with your best friends is an experience in and of itself. It takes us on wild and ridiculous adventures with the people we trust with our lives."

The Mother Hen

The Instigator

The One Who Always Texts Her Ex

The Shakira

The Philosopher

The Reluctant Homebody

The MMA Fighter

The "I'm Not Even Drunk!" Girl

The Joey Tribbiani

The Horny Toad

The Aspiring Rapper

It's so rude that we have finals.

1. When you look at your finals schedule and become immediately overwhelmed:

2. When your professor says that the final is only going to be short answer questions:

3. When you text your parents to tell them that you're going to have a mental breakdown and drop out of college and they're just like:

4. When you're trying to study with friends, but then you realize that you haven't gotten anything done:

5. Then you just end up going on your phone.

6. When you're two weeks away from finals and your professor tells you that you should probably start studying now:

7. When you sit down to take your final and the first question hits you like:

8. When you start the practice problems and you're just like:

9. When you're in your final and find a question that you actually know the answer to:

10. When that one annoying kid in your class says that the final was super easy and they aced it:

11. When you come back from your 7:30 a.m. final and crash:

12. When your professor tries to teach you new material a week before the final:

13. When you decide to eat away the pain that is finals week by ordering massive amounts of food:

14. Filling out course evaluations for that one difficult professor like:

15. When it's right before your first final and you're just like:

16. When your professor tells that you the final is cumulative:

17. When the kid next to you keeps looking over at your test:

18. Looking back on the outfits that you wore during finals week like:

19. When it's been two hours and you've only gotten through five notecards:

20. When you finally make it to the end of the week:

There's always chaos in the restaurant business.

Anytime you turn a corner the words "corner!" without you even realizing.

People are amazed at how professional you are when speaking to strangers, or on the phone

When we say "table 17 is on a bus", table 17 isn't LITERALLY on a bus.

You understand the frustration of the functions of another existing restaurant when going out to eat.

When you repeat the same spiel 40 times you start to sound like a lifeless robot.

The rush of prime dinner service. The chaos is riveting.

You have "that guy" at a table that makes you want to pull your hair out.

Getting stiffed an entire tip is worse than dealing with a difficult human being.

When you're sitting in a restaurant you don't dare interrupt your servers table presentation.

At the end of the night, you take the first opportunity you get to take a seat.

Not everything you learn in college can be found in a textbook.

Your self control and motivation directly correlate to how close the end of the semester is.

Group projects seem to be something created by the devil himself.

Remember when you were young and you knew everything there was to know? Wrong: you knew nothing.

If there is free food offered - go!

Never believe a professor when they tell you "Don't worry, this won't be on the test."

If you want a relationship with someone, it will take effort.

Check your email before you trudge all the way to class to find out it is cancelled.

You do not need a ton of friends, just a couple of really good ones.

Take the time to do what you love.

Every Saturday you will avoid doing homework like it is the plague. When Sunday rolls around you will complain that you have way too much stuff to do and not enough time to do it.

Your college experience is what you make of it.

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