As a young American with a large interest and high level of knowledge regarding politics, I have always dreamed of being 18 so I could vote for the president of our country. I truly owe a majority of this knowledge to my family for openly discussing it with me, always having the news on, and giving me detailed answers about any political questions I might have.

From a young age, I was able to identify that both of my parents were die-hard Republicans (the signs in our front yard were an obvious tip off) and what always struck me as interesting, and honestly really annoying, was the fact that my ultimate decision to also identify as a Republican came at the expense of others believing that I was unable to think for myself and was just a product of my parents. In actuality, my parents could legitimately have a shrine of Barack Obama in our house and no amount of influence from them could convince me that he has been beneficial to our country and its economy. Just because I share the same beliefs as them doesn’t mean that I’m inept, it means we both support a hard work ethic and conservative values.

What people also don’t know is that voting for a democratic candidate would directly affect my dad who is deserving of every ounce of success he has. As the daughter of a small business owner, I have watched my dad take the direct hit from the past 8 years of Obama’s leadership and tax reforms. While I differentiate myself from the typical Republican in that I have far more liberal views regarding social controversies such as abortion, marijuana use, and gay marriage, I will always identify as economically conservative. If identifying myself in that way makes me more of a libertarian than so be it, but I will never in a million years side with the Democratic Party.

Despite all of my previous thoughts and decisions regarding the 2016 election and my previous decision to vote for Donald Trump (even if he wasn’t who I voted for in the primary election), this election has forced me take a step back and really think. I have to say that watching the upcoming election unfold has been one of the most disappointing things I have ever witnessed.

I am proud to be an American and like most people I hold our country to a very high standard because of its undeniable power in the world. But right now, I am so terribly embarrassed and angered by where our country is. Any person with ears, eyes, and half a brain should be able to realize that our candidates for president are, for lack of a better word, comical.

The Democratic Party has elected someone that if it weren’t for her status, would have been thrown in prison and is so unfathomably hypocritical that while she claims to stand for feminism, has stayed with a man who publically cheated on her and made a mockery of her.

Meanwhile, The Republican Party has elected a sexist pig with no filter, no real plan for what he intends to do as president, and the sheer inability to be taken seriously by government officials around the world. It doesn’t even surprise me a little bit that this year’s election is estimated to have the lowest voting rate the United States has had in years.

Joining in with all of those unable to bring themselves to exercise their right to vote, I can now say after much thought and careful consideration that I will be keeping my ass at home come Election Day. Many people believe that as Americans who have been granted the freedom to participate in democracy, it is our duty as citizens to vote. Although I do not disagree and recognize the privilege the United States government has granted me, it would not be morally wrong for me to vote for either candidate this year. I cannot, with a good and clean conscious, vote for either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.

No matter how much I agree with Donald Trump’s policies regarding taxes or his plan to rid the country of Obamacare, it completely puzzles me how any woman could vote for someone that speaks of their own gender in such a way. I don’t even think I would technically identify myself as a “feminist” so to speak; I am all about men holding doors open for me and would take them paying for my dinner as flattering rather than offensive and to be perfectly honest I think girls who don’t wear tampons or pads to prove a point of feminism really just need a lesson about hygiene.

But despite all of that, how could a woman ignore the, and I quote, “locker room banter” comments made by Donald Trump that shame women and completely erase all the progress women in society have made. In the same way, Hillary Clinton stayed married to a man who literally turned her into a national joke and destroyed her reputation, but she wants to grab the hearts of feminists across the country and they honestly believe she will stand up for them? Everyone living in the United States really needs to wake up. Our two candidates spend more time bashing each other than they do addressing the relevant issues that threaten American stability.

Hey Hillary, maybe instead of building a platform based around the widespread hatred towards Trump and hopping on the bandwagon of making fun of him, you could use your momentum to discuss the pressing issues of ISIS or to actually explain to the American people why the hell you thought it would be okay to delete thousands of illegal emails.

Maybe when asked serious questions in debates regarding realistic, feasible immigration reform, Trump should give his potential voters a little bit more to go off of rather than just a mighty chant of “BUILD A WALL!” Go ahead and build your fucking wall Trump, but if you truly in your heart of hearts believe that Mexico is going to pay for the entire thing, you’re dreaming.

It really makes me sad to realize that this is where our country is and I truly believe that the poor leadership under the Obama administration is to blame for why the most extreme candidates possible could have made it this far, but this is the reality of it, and these are our options for president of the greatest country in the world.

Probably the hardest part of watching the election play out for me has been watching what it has done to our country. Tension during an election is normal, but this election has completely turned our country against each other. With such a strong need for change in our country right now, we need to be moving forward as a nation and this election has set us back by at least 4 years. I know that putting these views and opinions out into the world will open me up to ridicule from those who believe I am taking my right to vote for granted, but I would honestly rather take the heat for this than live the next 4 years knowing I helped put a dumbass into office.

As I sit here saddened, ashamed, confused, and angry, I find myself asking, “Really America, this was the best we could do?”, because I truly find that hard to believe. All I can hope for as an American with as much pride left as I possibly can is that the next 4 years of even poorer leadership will result in the slap in the face our country so desperately needs. Donald Trump cannot and will not make our country great again, but 2 new candidates on the ballot come November sure would.