I hate the word annoying. I know, it sounds pathetic and what have you, but i really, truly do. Honestly, think about it, the first time you were called annoying. Try to remember how it felt. You probably held your breath as everything around you switched to slow motion and the word just sat there...lingering. I'm sure you awkwardly laughed and your day went on as normal. However, when you laid down to sleep that night, that word was bouncing around in your brain and you were left wondering exactly what that word meant and how it could be used to describe you personally. That's exactly why I hate it. This word, this stupid jumble of letters, sticks with you. It becomes a part of your personality, a part you become very,very conscious of.
I remember the first time it really hit me that somebody used that word in reference to me. It feels like it happened just yesterday when in reality, it was nearly 3 years ago. This word, with a meaning left up to the receivers interpretation, was how a friendship of mine ended. It was when I found out that it was because she thought I was annoying, that my hatred of such a meaningless thing began. It stuck to me like glue.
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Now, 3 years later, I still tense up when someone calls me such an unsettling word; a word with a specific moment in time attached to it. When I hear the word, even in a joking manner, it's like a switch goes off inside me. I go silent and as pathetic as it seems, I suddenly feel trapped in a replay of the first time I had been called such a thing. The feelings of self consiousness come creeping in and consume my thoughts as I descend into silence. Let me tell you...it sucks.
If you're reading this and thinking by now that I just need to grow thicker skin and not let such trivial things get to me, then you're not understanding what I'm saying. It's not trivial if it has stuck with me for an entire period of time. We're not talking days or weeks, we're talking years. Years of my life that have been filled with me suddenly questioning everything I say and do as to not be a nuisance to people; Mainly for the fear of losing them. Now, does that sound like a way to live? I didn't think so. If you still don't understand, take a moment and think back to a time that somebody called you something that had a negative connotation. Let those feelings come back to you. Maybe somebody called you ugly and you cried about it and now here you are getting ready to go out and you suddenly hear that voice in your head telling you to remember that time somebody called you ugly. Doesn't feel great does it?
Now that we're all on the same page, I encourage everybody reading this to stop referring to those around you that are friends or loved ones using words holding negative connotations. I know it sounds crazy but they really do wonders on your self esteem and nobody needs that in their life. On that note, I suggest that you all take a moment before calling somebody a name to think back to how somebody calling you a name made you feel; Most of the time, you'll alter what you were about to say and that, my friends, is how it should be.
