Trust me, I get it. Everyone gets jealous every now and again. It’s perfectly natural for a person to become green with envy, that’s just how humans are wired. However, when two people are committed to one another, I simply don’t understand the romanticization of jealousy. We’ve all seen the silly memes on twitter or facebook of girls not wanting their boyfriends to go out with the guys, or boyfriends being uncomfortable when their girlfriend has a guy friend or two. Granted, I’ve laughed at the jokes, but in the end, what is jealousy really? And why are we romanticizing it?

Several studies have shown jealousy can stem from other issues such as low self-esteem or insecurity, two things that are not necessarily qualities you’d want present in a relationship. I, personally, have struggled with low self esteem and insecurity for majority of my life. The times that it came into play in my relationships were terrible, terrible times and sometimes led to the relationship ending. My insecurities led to not trusting my partner, and what is a relationship without trust?

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. You wouldn’t tell a secret to someone you couldn’t trust to keep it, so why would you commit to a serious relationship without having some form of trust for the other person? Trust, also, is much more than believing that they aren’t out with another person, or having faith that they won’t eat your leftovers in the fridge. Trust is knowing if you were to fall, they would be there to catch you. Trust is allowing another person to see you at your worst, without fear they’ll forget what your best looks like.

Frankly, if you dwell in a relationship that lives off jealousy, there is no trust, and without trust, there isn’t a healthy relationship. I know this is often a very unpopular opinion amongst my peers, but I am a firm believer in this. I refuse to be a part of a relationship where jealousy is a common factor.