Why Guys are the Source of most Girl's sadness

Why am I crying off two-day old makeup in my extremely messy room, half naked because of a boy? I will never understand how a boy can turn one direct message into a manipulation game over my feelings, and how the figurative ball can always end up in my court. Why does every boy cause a new era of depression for me?

In a way I do want attention, I do want love and a boy to care as romantically for me as I do for them, but it never happens. Do you know what does happen? A direct message, a follow on snap chat and an irrelevant snap streak to form after a week of ghosting you. When did I start to care? Why did I start to care? Maybe it's because no boy in my own school or program would ever notice me before, so when one does I instantly jump for joy at the chance, the hope, the miracle that I could infact be noticed.

I do believe that I have what it takes to be a fun, beautiful, well-rounded girl friend that everyone just thinks is such a catch and perfect for my dream boyfriend in this hypothetical scenario. It is the fact that I end up being the girl who cries in her room alone and hopeless over the fact that she will never be enough that truly breaks my heart. When ever that fatal moment of that painful heartbreak comes shooting up my chest I always wonder the true intentions of the boy who messaged me in the first place. Why me? Why message me if you never planned on following through with pursuing me? Or am I the issue, am I the link in the ever growing chain of boys who are merely interested in me for tops a week before dropping our barely-if anything- relationship that was budding?

Am I just that unlovable that a guy needs to test the waters with me before running off to every person around and announcing how weird and talkative I was? At this point I wonder why I even reply, why I even remain hopeful because there's clearly something wrong with me. I look at the time I spent applying a full fresh face of makeup JUST to reply to a snap from a guy, the many times I have went out of my way to take the perfect mirror selfie that shows just the right amount of skin so a guy can remain interested, the nights I have spent SLEEPING in my makeup overnight because I stood up having irrelevant conversations to then become too tired to wash my own face-the face that I ponder over for weeks after this guy leaves me to wonder if I am in fact pretty. Also the countless times I was ready to lie to my loved ones in order to keep my relationship with this stranger of a guy alive, while he couldn't even give me the time of day. What I can not forgive is the times I have been stood up and faced less than no support from a guy to then be expected to support THEIR accomplishments further more making it clear that he only saw me as lesser.

These are the reasons why scummy guys flock to insecure girls, because they're easy but no one wants to admit the reasons to why she became insecure in the first place. A women is not meant to spark some kind of fantasy or act as a confidence boast for any guy. A women is meant to be respected, not waiting for the guy of their dreams to finally decide if he actually wants her.