"Get rid of all the bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32
People will wrong you. No matter how hard you try, or how much effort you put in, people will fail you. There is no escaping this unfortunate truth, however, there is a way to withstand it while staying true to God.
I tend to express feelings of bitterness and pure depression at the idea of someone being able to wrong me in any way. It makes me feel unworthy and useless, unable to understand why this is happening to me. What did I do to deserve this? After attempting to be such a constant light of The Lord, why does it always seem to end up this way?
I always tend to forget that every time someone wrongs me, it's a reminder that I am not the one in control. God shapes these events right in front of me, but I am too blind to see them. He saves me from things that will be harmful and destructive, but my reaction continues to be bitterness. Several times later, I finally realized that I shouldn’t be bitter. I shouldn’t feel sad or unworthy. Because God will always prevail and prove to me that He is bigger and better than anything that I will ever face.
After being reminded by several friends and family members that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, I almost felt kind of guilty. I had been so bitter and misunderstanding, telling myself that I would show forgiveness in all of those past situations, but only to an extent. That they weren't worthy of forgiveness or my love. That's not fair; and I had a completely overwhelming thought process of why my actions and thoughts were not painting the picture of God’s love.
I wrong God a countless number of times every single day. Whether it be by my thoughts, actions, or unknowingly, it’s inevitable. But He doesn’t tell me afterward, “I forgive you, but I can’t love you the same as I did before. You really pushed it this time.”
Of course not.
God’s love is infinite. Instead of holding a grudge on me, God says, “I forgive you wholeheartedly and take you back into My arms, just as I had before. Nothing had changed.” Instead of denying me or rejecting me, He calls, “Run to me. I am here for you always.”
And if my Savior can do this for me, there is absolutely no reason I shouldn’t be doing it for others. We were called to love in the same way that we are loved. We are loved because He first loved us. Instead of giving that cold shoulder and holding a grudge, I have learned to forgive and simply love well. To hold on to my experience for wisdom, but let go and step forward in my faith. To love like I am loved, despite the circumstances. And the fact that God loves us an indescribable, unchangeable, infinite amount no matter how terribly we defy Him, or how far we wander, or how hard we reject Him is unfathomable to me.
This undying love, so incredible that God sent His one and only son to die for us. There is no love greater than that. I struggle with going back to the same exact love that I have for those who wrong me because I am selfish. I hold on to what is done to me and pity myself. In reality, I am loved so well and so hard that I was given a second chance at this life. And all I should want/strive for is to share that with others. I want to showpeople how beautiful it is to know God. How absolutely jaw-dropping and breathtaking it is to fully grasp the idea that He sent his son to die for us. He has a love that I will never come close to mimicking, but I will certainly make it my life goal to try.
I will fear God because He is more than I will ever be, He is slow to anger and gives immediate forgiveness followed by open arms, and I get to call Him my Father. I will fear God because He will never wrong me, and that is something I will never find here on earth. I will fear God because He moves mountains, calms storms, and has shaped my entire life story, all with the touch of a finger.
From my experience and these changes, I have been filled with great joy. I truly believe that through God, anything is possible. He will always prevail. He will always show up. He will always be your #1 supporter. And I can go confidently through the rest of my days knowing that my God will be there for me, never missing a single beat, ready to pick me up when I fall. And that's why grudges are overrated; because if God doesn't hold a grudge, why should I?
"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: love each other as I have loved you." John 15:11-12
