*Disclaimer: This article is not guide to take over the world. It does point out ingenious observations that Greek life could use to conquer all, but please do not use maliciously.
What do you need to take over the world? Simple, you need the Golden Three: a loyal army, powerful and
intelligent leaders and an innate ability to have a good time. Since the dawn
of time, these three tenets of domination have separated the world rulers from
the world droolers. Sticking to the commands results in absolute control. Wavering or weakening results in getting sent back to the frat house.
Don’t
take my word for it, just look at history. America? What American isn’t loyal
to the stars and stripes? George Washington? Genius leader who conquered the
strongest army in the world with next to nothing. The Romans? Always knew how
to have a good time. They had their own god of celebrations and even had
holidays on demand, whenever they felt
like it. Monday Funday? Holiday. You played a very intricate practical joke
involving shaving cream, Mrs. Butterworth, two cans of marmalade and a Merrium
Webster Dictionary? Holiday.
All great world leaders, all had the Golden Three. We all know Greek life has all of these traits and more. Read on to
discover how we can take over the world.
1. Your steadfastly loyal army
Community work is hard. It can be
really boring and takes copious amounts of time because the job is endless. Sometimes, we wonder why? For the good of the community? Obviously. We
are compassionate conquerors. Build a loyal army of socially and
environmentally conscious citizens inspired by your great deeds? Definitely. When
people see you doing your best to make the world around you a better place,
they will most likely join you. (For those who don’t, refer to the “drooler”
quote, above). When they do take up the arms of service, simply tell them all
that your fraternity or sorority is trying to take over the world, and could use
volunteers for the army -- not to mention, donations -- and, before you know, it they
will be at your side, basking with you in the glory of world domination.
2. Powerful and intelligent leaders
Look around you, right now. What do you see?
A dirt stained white t-shirt from when you made the tournament winning
dive-catch in intramural Ultimate Frisbee? Your lucky Nike hat that has watched
you double-bogey even the simplest of holes? Chuckie? Now think, who were your
teammates in that Frisbee match? Who were the people watching you, forever
supportive, as you dented the green with the mad, frantic swings of your putter
even as the hired muscle from the country club came to remove you for the third
time? Who is the person sitting next to you who will pull you back from
Chuckie’s four inch reach, and guide you safely out of your home to the
skeptical police who will lock you up? Your brothers and sisters. They support you through
everything else, they will surely support you through taking over the world.
They are your nobles, your generals and your most trusted advisors. Together
you are a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention, you had better side with
someone who knows where you sleep.
3. Innate ability to have fun
Come on. How much do I really have to say? Look me in the eye and tell me Greek life isn’t the most fun you’ve had
since Skyrim came out and stole away three years of our lives. Romans, beware, we're coming for your title.
That is irrefutable proof that we’re awesome enough to conquer the world. Maybe, we’ll even beat Chuckie
someday, who knows?
