When I was 10, I got tricked into agreeing to a purity ring. There was no “Love Always Waits” meeting at church, there was no “Jane The Virgin”-esque conversation with an elder about the importance of virginity. There was only a sleepover.
At a sleepover with two of my best friends, they informed me that they’d decided to get purity rings. They had talked it over, deliberated, and told their parents. Shiny new rings would be arriving at their doorstep any day now. They asked if I wanted to join in. I didn’t know much about what I was giving up, but something in my heart didn’t like the decision. But my friends kept trying to convince me. “After we get married, we can send the rings to each other! It’d be a cute thing!” Finally, I wavered.
After a conversation with my mother—who cried at the news—I was in possession of a sliver Tiffany purity ring. Even though I wasn’t entirely sold on the idea, I bragged about it to my friends at my new school. I was the only girl with one there and it was kind of an oddity. Everyone knew I had one. A few months later, a boy asked me to homecoming, but after being reminded of my ring, he rescinded the offer. I was crushed and even more skeptical of this ring. One day, I took my ring off in the school bathroom to wash my hands and forgot to put it back on. When I got back, it was gone.
When I look back on that story, I’m not disappointed in the fact that I had a purity ring. I still think they’re a cool concept and can be helpful for the girls who have them. But I am disappointed that I got one even though I wasn’t sure about it. I didn’t stand up for myself at that sleepover. I was scared that my choosing not to make a commitment that big would be seen as making a bad choice. I was scared that if I told my friends that I might not agree with waiting until marriage, they might not see me as a friend anymore. A purity ring or pledge is a big responsibility to place on a girl whose main concern is when she’ll get her braces off.
Waiting is an admirable choice. If it makes you feel empowered, if it makes you feel more connected spiritually, than by all means, go for it. Buy a pretty ring to commemorate it. Go to meetings with like-minded individuals. Ask your friends if they want them. Mine weren’t wrong for asking me. But if the idea of waiting causes you anxiety, if you’d rather evaluate as you go along, that’s okay, too. Making those important choices in the moment can be empowering, whatever you choose. But don’t make your decisions based on the opinions of others. Do whatever you want.
