I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now, and we have had our fair share of fights over the years. You would think after being together for so long that things would be easier and fights would happen less often, but if anything, our lives have gotten more complicated and fights do happen. Fortunately, our relationship has only gotten stronger, and we’ve both grown to love and respect each other more. Here’s why fighting has played such a huge role in our relationship.

When we first started dating, I was still in high school, and he was just beginning college at Emory. For a while, we were in that new couple phase where neither of us could do wrong in the other's eyes. Eventually, we had a couple of disagreements, which kind of opened the doorway into our first fight. Our arguments back then were limited to just typical young couple dilemmas: jealousy of friends of the opposite sex, unsureness of being in a committed relationship so young, and trying to balance our social lives and our relationship. I was also graduating high school soon and wasn’t sure if I was going to go to college near him.

Fast forward three years, and we now live near Emory together with our doggo and kitty. No longer were we having small disputes about petty high school drama; instead, we were worried about cooperating under one roof and being team players. We started to fight over small things like whose turn it is to do the dishes, or walk the dog, or do the laundry. But we also fought over bigger issues like money, being considerate of the other’s needs, and trying to please our families.

When our fights started to happen more often than usual, I wasn't sure what to think. Is this normal for relationships? Have we changed over the years? Are we going to make it? I’ve come to realize that fighting doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Of course, no one wants to fight, but it is necessary.

Fighting has strengthened our relationship by improving our trust, our communication, and our respect for each other. When people fight, they get angry. When they get angry, they say or do things that they wouldn't normally. For fighting to be helpful in your relationship, it cannot be hurtful. There have to be boundaries and an openness to communication. I trust that my boyfriend will allow me to express myself without him exploding in anger just as he expects the same in return. We also both understand that while we have a lot in common, like our love of all things frisbee and being outdoors, we are also our own individuals who can differ in opinions. I've grown to respect my boyfriend more for having his own point of view on things and standing up for his beliefs.

Fighting just lets me know that there is still something worth fighting for in our relationship. I hate fighting with my boyfriend, but I love him. So, I'm going to fight. It may be the harder option, but it's worth it. With all of the hardships that we have faced so far, nothing could be worse than not being on the same team anymore.