This is a story on how my first semester of college turned me from someone who always had high expectations, to someone who now lives life with little to none. Coming into college, I had so many expectations. Not all of them were my fault, considering since I entered my junior year of high school I was spoon fed all of these ideas and stories on other peoples college experiences, and when I graduated high school I had a full list of ideas and expectations for college that I've gathered through the years. As the summer before college started, I couldn't wait to start school so I could experience everything I knew and was told that I would. I couldn't wait to live the life that I've dreamed of. However, that is not what happened.

I was so excited to make a ton of friends, ace all my classes, and find love. I went to an extremely small high school, I graduated with twelve people in my class, so I was ready to start expanding my friend group. I met a lot of people my first week of school, but after that everyone started to settle down with their friend groups. I found myself without one. I had my roommate, her twin sister, and her roommate, but other than that I didn't really have anyone else that I hung out with. Things slowly started to get better and I made more friends but I still felt extremely lonely, when being lonely was something I was never told I would experience. Going into college, I was a pre-med major. Medicine had been my passion and my goal for life since I was a little girl. College was going to be my first real step to achieving my goal. Everything started off great, but soon started to go down hill in my Biology class. I would give myself over completely to studying for exams, only to get them back and find out that I hadn't passed. It took until the third fail for me to have to leave in the middle of the class and cry over the fact that I was no where near where I thought I would be by now. I can't explain to you the pain of failing at something, the sole thing you want in life. Every single day it felt as if my dream was becoming less and less achievable.

To top it all off, I was getting no where with the love situation. In fact, the complete opposite had happened just three weeks into school. I had my heart shattered. I know it is crazy to think that in only three weeks that could happen, but it did. We hit it off the first week of school and I immediately fell for him. We went on our first “date”. I say that because he didn't want to date, but it felt like I was his whenever I was with him. We went out to the movies and ended up kissing that night. I thought that had meant he changed his mind and wanted to be with me, but instead it ended up with us really never talking again after that night. I cried for weeks after, and I still can't bare the thought of seeing him around campus; it’s been three months. So here I am, three months into school and I feel more broken and lonely than ever before. Nobody told me anything about the bad stuff could happen, so why was all of this happening to me? Why was my first semester almost done and I feel like I didn't accomplish anything? Why wasn't I happy? The reason? I was letting my expectations get in the way of me living the life I really wanted, because I wanted so badly to live the life everyone wanted for me and the life I had thought about for months. The reason I'm telling you all of this is to hopefully show you how dangerous expectations can be. I had spent my entire first semester wrapped up in my world of expectations, that I had missed so many beautiful chances and opportunities around me. I was so focused on how I thought life was supposed to be, I forgot to take a step back, breathe, and realize just how blessed I am to be able to be at college in the first place. If I had come into it with no expectations, I wouldn't have had anything to compare anything to. I would've been happy in whatever situation was happening in my life, because it would've been enough.

However, I’m glad I went through what I did because it has given me a brand new perspective on life. So, here’s to a new semester, a new outlook on life, and a new chance. Here is to choosing happiness and forgetting the rules.