I will remember the day I got my dachshund for the rest of my life. She was an 18^th birthday gift to myself, and I named her after a sassy pop star on the way home because she loves the song “Fergalicious." Furgie and I have hosted parties together, survived college together, husband hunted together, and will love each other forever. We are going on five years as best friends. That being said, I couldn't be happier to tell you why every human should have a hot dog-shaped bestie.

1. Dachshunds are hilarious no matter what they are doing

2. And they're hilarious no matter what they're wearing

3. Wiener dogs are the perfect size to be heating pads when you're sick or have cramps

4. Movie nights are the perfect date with this dog because they love to snuggle and bury themselves under blankets all day, every day

5. They will bury themselves anywhere, actually

6. They are loud enough to be doorbells

7. And also quiet enough for you to sneak them into stores and events that typically don't allow dogs

8. Dachshund puppies are as cute as a button

9. A lot of people think dachshunds are a mean breed, so you can take walks and be anti-social

10. But let's be real: They are little sausage sweethearts and once you have one dachshund, you want more

11. Online shops take your wiener dog obsession seriously and sell lamps, kitchenware, and clothes featuring your fur baby

12. You have an excuse to tell dirty jokes revolving around your wiener

13. Female doxie moms have the perfect pick up lines on Tinder. For example: “You can touch my wiener if I can touch yours"

14. There are songs on YouTube about your dog. Your baby is basically a celebrity. Who doesn't want to be the parent of a celebrity?

15. Doxies have attitude and don't let anyone mess with their humans or their house

16. Dachshunds were originally bred to hunt for badgers in Germany. Today, it is in their blood to keep your home and yard rodent-free. Check out my little savage:

17. You better love your wiener if you get one. They're meant to give you a life of love and laughs with their 15-20 year lifespan

18. Dachshund moms and dads never need to invest in a garbage disposal. These babies have the appetite of a retirement party at Golden Corral

19. Since doxies are always hungry, you always have an excuse to eat food too. Family dinner is important, right?

20. This goes with any dog, hot dog-shaped or not: They make you feel complete

I can't imagine a world without dogs--especially my own. I don't trust people who don't like dogs, and I don't trust people my dog doesn't like. It will never cease to amaze me how dogs can show so much love without speaking a word. If more humans could do that, world peace would be within reach.