"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we don't have a spot for you at this time."

The worst words you can hear on the phone with [one] of your dream employers. Especially after you have spent hours researching, reading articles, blog posts, and watching countless interviews on the company so you can find middle ground and seem a step above the other candidates while interviewing (in the small chance you get there). That one little sentence has the ability to break your heart and cause a rush of emotions. The world may seem to be spinning all too fast, or worse, not fast enough. I promise you, it's moving at just the right speed.

With this scenario still fresh in my mind and the idea of a great dream internship out the window I can't say that I'm still not done being confused, worried, or just plain sad. Actually, it sucks but I know it's going to be okay.

Learning how to fail is probably one of the most important tasks to learn. To be completely honest, this was the first job that I didn't have in the palm of my hand all the way through. I have had four jobs now (I'm very thankful I don't have to work retail anymore). Out of those four, three of them had been based on recommendations and going through the application process was more of a formality instead of a "are we sure we want her?" The one other time, I was immediately granted a spot at the company as soon as my interview was over.

This dream internship of mine was the first where, yes I had connections but not close enough to seal the deal. The company is amazing, and through the process I felt welcomed and at ease the entire way. The laid back culture along with the fantabluous, and intelligent people that work there make it a dream for about 300-400 applicants, myself included. The internship is competitive and they are known for hiring the best of the best. Making it even more desirable because I want to learn everything I possibly can from people who are better than I am. I wanted to be among the best, even though I am well aware I may have been out of place at numerous times because of the lack of experience and knowledge I possess currently.

I passed the first stage and was granted a phone interview. It went very well and I really enjoyed speaking with the lady who was the first to try and pick my brain.

As an officer for an organization who is sponsored by this same company I took it upon myself to fully-introduce myself to the CEO of the company, another co-founder, and the hiring manger when they stopped in at one of our meetings. I tried to keep my voice even and my hands from shaking too much from nerves. I wanted to know what they wanted for the company, I wanted to learn how to be that for them just in case I was asked for another interview.

I got an email about a week later asking to come in for an in-person interview. I was ecstatic and terrified at the same time. I researched the company as much as I could, I tried to even brush up on a few coding terms and WordPress knowledge seeing as that was what the company specialized in.

While walking into the beautiful, down-town brick building I felt comfortable and even though my nerves were very apparent and I was aware that my hands were shaking I was happy to get to this step and learn more. I had a list of about 20 questions I had wrote down before even speaking with anyone. I brought in the list but I had managed to remember all of them without even looking because I was so interested in learning. I wanted to know more, as much I possibly could in such a short amount of time.

I don't think the interview went horrible. I really don't. I met with the Hiring Manager and the Head of the Marketing Department that day. I could tell by the questions they had asked me, they weren't impressed with my experience. I didn't have a lot of what they were looking for (I'm only a junior in college who is trying to partake in as many activities as possible).

Another HUGE thing I lacked was a certain, and more important, specific skill set. I can't say that I'm very passionate about any one thing. I'm a little passionate about multiple things. I have always had a hand in everything I could. I've wanted to meet as many people as possible. I want to know what they have gone through. I want to pick up a skill, any skill. I want to try and find something that makes me go wild, that does create that very passionate feeling and I want to learn more. So far, I haven't found that, but I'm looking.

When I got the phone call in the early morning, I asked what they were looking for, what I could work on if I decided to apply to my dream job again. The answer was something I was already expecting "We are looking to help develop someone who has a set skill, we want to help perfect it and have that person help our company in a set way."

At a small start-up (which is what I applied to) hiring and training is expensive. At a company who specializes in culture, which can be another expensive cost, it's important to get the hiring and the training done right. They have set positions where they need specific work being done. If someone can't get the work done properly, or if they are faced with an applicant similar to me who doesn't even know what work want to do necessarily, it can be hard for them to just come up with a position.

I failed at proving to them that they needed me because of one thing--that one thing being I am willing to do anything they throw me into. I may not have one specific task set in my own mind but that's where I have always excelled. Learning quickly, and picking up different ways to do things is one skill set that I have acquired. I work hard, and want things done the right way every time. I failed at explaining to them that I have been known to excel at any position I have been thrown into, into what was needed because I did my own research while also learning through [small] trial and errors.

I failed. And again, that's okay.

I became stronger, more confident, and have created even more connections within my dream company. Things may not be the best now but I have learned to fail. I have learned to accept criticism and to learn how to better myself. I have found that pushing myself outside of my comfort zone has never let me down and I'm ready for whatever comes next (well almost, I need to eat and catch up on a little bit of sleep).

The world is not going to end. I still have amazing friends, my family has my back no matter what I choose to do next. I still have possession of another dream job. I even still have another chance to try again at the same company.

I don't have a special skill-set yet. I have only ever been super passionate about animals. Why I didn't go into marine biology will always haunt me but I am very fortunate to have my other dream job still at the zoo. My eight year old self would be very proud.

I'm learning. I'm trying to perfect, better yet, I'm trying to challenge myself in a multitude of ways. So for now, I'm young (heck as annoying as it is, I'm not even 21 yet...) and I plan on continuing to expand my knowledge in ways that I'm not even aware of yet. I don't plan to stop meeting people, trying new things, and seeing new places. Maybe the far off future holds a consistent and specialized environment but for now I'm here to find new dreams and go after the unseen future that has yet to unfold.

God has a plan for me, I just have to trust it. His timing is always perfect.