The holidays are such a wonderful time of the year! Not really, well at least not in my opinion. In my life, holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, are full of awkward silences and stupid questions that I don't feel like answering. That isn't how the holidays should be, they should be peaceful and I shouldn't have to feel like an outsider in a place that I once called my home.

I guess I've never really cared for the holiday season. Even when I was younger I was repulsed at the thought of family gatherings and whatnot. Too many things are happening, and typically they just end up going wrong. I remember one year, someone had eaten all of the Oreo Pudding that my sister had wanted. She hadn't told any of us that she wanted all that was left. So after someone ate it, all of my siblings and I got lectured and called disrespectful for eating what was supposed to be hers. That might be the reason I try to avoid family dinners.

Holidays are also a super depressing time of year for me. Maybe because it's cold and gloomy. Maybe because there are so many negative people around me, or maybe because I am always alone on the holidays. I haven't really been able to pinpoint my "holiday blues". Either way, though, it isn't fun. Some years people call me "The Grinch", other years they don't say anything about my grumpy attitude at all.

Christmas is coming up soon and I am dreading it; this means I have to buy gifts for people in my life who don't actually appreciate what I am doing. That's another thing that bugs me. If I buy you a gift for Christmas the least you could do is appreciate it. I learned early though that Christmas is a very selfish holiday. People want what they want, and if they don't get that they end up disappointed.

Which brings me to another point, I am not religious, but Christmas should still hold some sort of value. You're spending time with you family, they are gifts. But that still isn't always enough. Especially nowadays, we live in such a selfish culture that is so demanding, we forget to appreciate what is right in front of us.

If you like Christmas, good for you. That is wonderful, believe me, I know there is still beauty out there. There are still good families out there who appreciate each other and appreciate the company rather than the gifts. Just know, I don't see that often and that is why I am not a fan of holidays. In reality, I guess it's the people around me who have really taken my holiday spirit. I have been trying to gain that back though.