From a young age, we are taught to interact with others and create bonds.
We grow up and ether distance ourselves from that person, or become closer to them.
I know what it's like in both situations.
It extends to more than just friendships. People in general in our lives, either stay or leave.
It may not always be their choice, sometimes people just have to go.
It's a hard concept to understand, the fact that someone could create such an impact in our life, and then in an instant, they can disappear.
The hardest thing to accept is the fact that you feel abandoned. You know that the person in your life may have been toxic, or that they physically had to move on from this world, but you still feel alone. You sit there wondering if it was you.
Did I do something wrong? Was I the reason they left? I've gotten in the habit of blaming myself. I wasn't good enough for that person. They are better off without me. All these thoughts of self-blame circulate in my mind.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Why do we blame ourselves, when these people chose to walk out of our lives? Why do we blame ourselves when someone we love body gives up on them, and their soul becomes set free?
I blame myself because there's no one else to blame.
I feel like no one will stay in my life, and that's why it's hard for me to trust people.
You get to a point where you begin to over analyze everything.
I'll never forget, when I had someone so beyond close to me, cut me off. I was given no explanation, no reasoning, nothing. That in itself does a lot to your self-confidence. You find every flaw about yourself, Scrutinize everything you do and become even more cautious about who you let in.
I've learned that in order to live, you need others. I can't let my fear of people walking out of my life stop me from letting people in. To those we have loved and lost, I know you didn't walk out of my life, or abandon me. I know it was your time to go. I still hurt from your loss, but I've accepted the fact that it was completely out of my control.
To the people who have voluntarily left, if it was for your own benefit, then I understand. In life, you have to do what's best for you.
To the people still in my life, thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for taking the time to break down my walls. I know I have a guard up, but I'm working on it. I love you, I appreciate you. Each and every one of you brings my happiness in this world and show me why it's OK to let people in.
To myself, stop being so hard on yourself. Stop thinking everyone will just leave in the end. Let those walls be broken down, and embrace those around you.
