Living With Depression | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Living With My Depression

No matter how much beauty I can find in the world, I cannot balance the chemicals in my brain that leads to the feeling of depression.

217
Living With My Depression
Pexels

The older I get, the more wisdom and knowledge I acquire about myself and the world we live in. Being only 19 years old, I know I am so young and have so much more to learn and experience.

Though, the 19 years I have experienced have genuinely frightened me.

My experience sure is different than any other person's. We all experience and live life differently, although I am sure many people can relate to myself and share certain aspects we have gone through and experienced.

What has frightened me so much about life comes from the feeling of depression.

This is a topic I do not especially like discussing as clearly it is not the most uplifting or positive topic to write about and spread to the world. Instead, it is raw, important, and should be talked about.

The reason I have become so frightened is because of how I look at it from an outside perspective. I feel as though I look at my depressed self, as someone who is not, and I tell myself how much beauty and kindness there is in the world and how we must look on the brighter side of things, and spread positivity to feel positivity.

I feel as if I have so much wisdom to give to myself, yet none of it is meaningful. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and, no matter how much beauty I can find in the world, I cannot balance the chemicals in my brain that leads to the feeling of depression.

It scares me because it is so much a part of me. I see all the time, "I am not my [insert mental illness]," and maybe I'm not. But it sure feels like it. It truly lives in me.

Sometimes, I think it is temporary, as I will have periods where I feel consistently happy and I truly feel as if I have beaten the depression. I have pushed it out of my brain for the last time, but it's never the last time. It always comes back. I always think happiness is home and depression is the inconvenient visitor, but at times, I'll believe it is the other way around.

I'm frightened because this feeling can manifest so much hopelessness.

It truly feels as if I will never be able to escape such a feeling. It lives with me and will always live with me. This is the idea that I ultimately fear so much.

Looking at this from my other perspective, as I do, I know that simply isn't true. I research and read about others' similar experiences, and I know there is hope. I know that it is my depression making me hopeless, but I cannot help it. I feel as if I am holding so many feelings in my mind that are constantly contradicting each other, and it's truly a battle.

Experiencing this battle not only feels exhausting and strenuous but also lonely. So much activity in your head can block out so much outside of your head that you feel like the only person on the planet going through this battle. The reason I believe this is a topic that should be openly talked about is to assure those people that they are not alone, and many others are fighting as well.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

3845
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

450208
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

22072
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

45016
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments