"I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zones." - Horacio Jones
In an effort of complete transparency, I am single and have been for quite a while. I do not see that changing before Valentine's Day, but that is nothing new. I'm not bitter about Valentine's Day - yes, I would like a Valentine but that's mostly just because of the free meal. I am much more concerned about buffalo chicken pizza than I am about love.
The truth is, I struggled for a long time to find my worth. It was hidden somewhere among all the deep-rooted self-doubt and hatred that had absolutely no reason to be there in the first place. It took a long time and a lot of failed friendships to get there.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
Well apparently for a while there I thought I deserved about the same love as a doormat. I was horribly wrong.
You see, when I found my worth, I was shocked. I looked in the mirror and I was confidently able to say, "You are cute. You are beautiful. You can rock the hell out of this ponytail." It was awesome.
I wasn't afraid to go to the movies by myself. (I mean, I didn't go but that was because I fell asleep and forgot about it.) I'm able to go to a restaurant and eat by myself. I will take my book to a secluded part of campus and I will read.
I'm okay with that now.
I haven't found anyone who is worth me, yet... and that's not conceited. It means that I want to find someone who matches my worth. I want someone who is as dedicated as I am. I want someone who is as obsessed with Harry Potter and coffee as I am. I want someone who is as funny as I am. (This has been the most difficult so far because I am simply hysterical.)
Now, this doesn't mean that those who are in relationships don't know their worth or anything like that. It just means that they've found someone worth it already.
So this Valentine's Day, I'm going to date myself. I will get my favorite food from one of my favorite restaurants downtown. I will take myself to a new coffee shop I haven't tried before. I will watch "Supernatural," all night and be in my pajamas by 7:30 pm.
I will do it all because I am worth it.
