Most of us have heard the phrase "confidence is key" before right? Well, I never really payed much attention to the depth of its meaning until it was being applied to my own life.
Throughout my tween and teen years, I was never the girl who was loud and drew attention to herself. I was never the one who made the first move...in anything. I had my group of friends and could be more outgoing with them, but to the world I made myself seem small, shy, and quiet.
The result of so many years living in the shadows? I was tired and unhappy with who I was and the fact that I was unable to showcase my true personality with others. I didn't allow myself to be the funny, quirky and smiley girl I was with my family and friends. I wouldn't open up to others very easily because I was scared of what they would say and what they would do if they found a flaw. I was ultimately scared of the judgment and perception people would have of me if they found something they didn't like. I was scared of being human.
I had this unrealistic notion that I had to be "perfect", which consisted of being a straight A student, always seeming positive, nice and happy, and never really letting people see how and what I truly felt and thought. Needless to say, this type of mindset and lifestyle was very unhealthy. But trying to maintain this "perfect" image had become such a routine that for a long time I didn't even notice how unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and fake my life was becoming.
In my junior year of high school I realized that this isn't the me I wanted to be. So, I started doing things that made me happy and feel good about myself; I auditioned for a local theater production, I started playing guitar, singing, and writing, and I finally allowed myself to share my opinions, problems and emotions with the important people in my life who deserved to get to meet the real me. I also knew confidence was something I was heavily lacking, but low and behold, once I stopped telling myself how I SHOULD act and feel, I started to appreciate the real me and expressed my thoughts and feelings like I WANTED to- My confidence slowly started to grow.
This transformation was and still is a difficult journey full of setbacks and situations that force you to come face to face with life-changing and unexpected truths about yourself. It's also a journey that will probably never end, and to be honest, that's just how I'd want it to be. Growth and learning is a continuous process. Working towards and achieving a stable sense of confidence was what saved me. I can safely say that I currently am in a very high point in my life in regards to being happy, confident, and feeling fulfilled and satisfied. I can definitely feel and see the growth that has taken place. I am no longer the shy and lost girl from (what feels like) so long ago, because I am finally myself. I am now the bubbly, determined, and compassionate girl that has always been inside, just dying to be heard and seen.
To anybody who has faced similar struggles, my advice is to first have a desire for change. With that desire you can then take a reality check and figure out exactly what you're not happy with in your life and what you want to be different. Being persistent, but patient, is the goal to seeing this change happen. I know that sometimes we get so caught up with our hectic lives we don't have time to stop and think about how we're really doing; if we're happy, stressed, or experiencing low/high self-esteem. I think it's so very important to be content and proud of yourself and the life you're leading. So even with the busy life you have, leave some time maybe once a week to reflect about how you're feeling and how that week went, what you liked about it, what you didn't, and what changes you can make to make the next week better for you.
I have news too! The clichés are true! If you do what makes you happy and love your whole self, you're much more likely to gain the confidence you need and want in order to be the one who volunteers to answer a question in class or the one who goes up to the new student and starts a conversation. Amazing opportunities as well as connections you will form due to your new and improved lifestyle, mentality await you.
