As a rising sophomore in college, I should be pretty pumped about the upcoming year. This is the year when I’m not a freshman anymore, when I’m experienced, ready for any and every thing that comes my way. I should be hyped for the parties, the late nights, the memories, the weird teachers and the new friends I’ll make. My head is in a different spot, and it only makes me cringe when I realize how close school is to returning.
Freshman year went by too fast; I mean way too fast. I remember walking on to campus trying to figure out how anything was going to get done, I took a nap, and woke up in finals week. My roommate, who was a complete stranger to me, became one of my best friends. My freshman seminar professor, who I was terrified of, calls me into his office now to shoot the breeze and discuss college football. The year sped by.
When I think about how quickly freshman year turned into sophomore year, I can only think about how sophomore year will quickly become junior year, and you know what happens next. I mean come on, I can’t be the only one who thinks about this. The fun, the parties, it’s all closer and closer to ceasing. I am terrified of the day that I have to step into the real world and become an adult. When my so-called future becomes my reality.
It’s a scary thought indeed, and to make matters worse, I’ve decided to attend law school after graduation. The rest of my college career is defined in numbers; the GPA, the LSAT, the amount of extracurricular activities in which I did or didn’t participate. When I think about how much work I have to do throughout the next six years of my life just to get remotely close to where I really want to be, there’s a small part of me that wants to accept the challenge and attack it head on, but another larger part of me is petrified of the future.
I’ve discussed this with a lot of friends, and they all say the same thing; enjoy it, college only comes around once and when it’s over, it’s over, and maybe they’re right. However, the fear of the unknown completely trumps the excitement I should have entering this year. While I am truly optimistic about what my future holds, I think I’m more fearful of the unpredictability that tomorrow brings. What if I mess up? What happens if nothing goes the way that I planned?
It becomes easier and easier for us to say, "fuck it,” when we see questions like those. To say that we’ll just go with the flow and try to make things work, because really what choice do we have. I guess this is more for the very few people who can’t reach the “fuck it” stage yet, and spend nights dreaming about what they want to do in the next five years. Unfortunately, I am one of those people, and while I truly am thrilled to see what this year of college will bring, I am more frightened to see what it doesn’t.
