It’s the end of senior year, and you are trying to make the most of it. You have heard that senior year is the best year of high school, that it is the most fun, most free, and you’re supposed to be spending every minute with your friends who are all moving away this fall. You’ve heard the same thing from those a year ahead of you about having fun and soaking in every last minute you have because it goes by so fast. You’ve heard the advice of not getting a boyfriend senior year because you’re going to have to leave each other soon, of learning to do laundry, of starting sorority packets early to get those recommendations, and not dating freshman year of college so you can be an independent young woman. You’ve heard that freshman year is the time to meet new people, explore what life is like on your own, and not have anything hold you back. But I bet you haven’t heard the girl you looked up to all throughout high school tell you to stay with your boyfriend. She hasn’t told you that it’s okay to start a relationship late into senior year. I’ve heard this advice countless times, and after being very persuaded to listen to it, I chose against it. What I want you to get out of this letter is that it’s okay to have an open mind and not listen to the “rules.”

I was coming back from winter break excited to start my last semester of high school. I had a solid group of friends, a set future at the University of Texas, and the readiness to move into a new chapter of my life. Little did I know this new chapter would be my first serious relationship. As I’ve been told not to start dating senior year, let alone the middle of the last semester of senior year, I took that advice and starting dating my boyfriend. (I know I’m very good at listening to advice). I thought it would just be for fun and we would end it before we leave for college. The next thing I know we graduated and summer was starting to come to a close. Everyone told me not to date in college. Of course you don’t want a long distance relationship in college to hold you back from all the amazing things freshman year, yes of course. “Okay,” I thought to myself, “that is the advice I am actually going to take.” One week into college I realize that love cannot hold you back, it motivates you.

Here’s the thing. The people who know you best- your best friends, your family, your teammates- can’t even give you clear advice in a relationship. Everyone’s experience in a relationship is different, so you can’t make decisions based on what worked out for others and what didn’t. If your boyfriend is going to “hold you back” from college experiences, then what kind of relationship are you in? A healthy, trustworthy relationship should be moving you forward. It should be the best motivation you can have. You should be doing well in school for each other. You need to surround yourself with people who make you a better person and if it’s not your boyfriend then who would it be? A relationship is supposed to be a support system. The person you can cry with, laugh with, study with, and even be angry with and they will unconditionally support you.They are supposed to be your best friend, the one that will respect you if you are too busy to Facetime one night, but be the most excited to hear about the random taco shack you ate at for lunch when you do have free time.

So listen when I say, you don’t need to break up to experience life as a college freshman. There are benefits of a long distance relationship that most people won’t tell you about. You can vent to him about anything going on at your school and he will listen without knowing the people you’re talking about in an unbiased way (somewhat unbiased because he will always take your side). You can be more proactive in getting school work done because he won’t be conveniently around to hang out with. You can meet new friends and put time into being with them because you know you can always call him once you’re at home and having free time. You may get cute presents sent to you or cards in the mail if he’s doing it right. You get a chance to use that cute monogrammed stationary you only use for grandma.The times where he comes to visit, and you get to show him around your campus and take him out around your town are the sweetest. The time you spend apart will give your heart a chance to tell you how much you love him or miss him, just confirming the strength of your relationship.

No one told me that change is hard enough. So going to a new school away from home and breaking up with the person you tell everything to is like a pouring salt into an open wound. You are already in an uncomfortable situation and now you can’t rely on the one person you talked to every single day, the one person who was always there for you and loved you. Don’t be so hard on your heart. Give yourself time to figure it out. Follow your heart, trust your gut, think about what’s best for you. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. And if it doesn’t work out in the end, all you can say is that at least you tried.