Here's a confession: I lived a double life.
Now, I'm no Hannah Montana, but unfortunately there are two sides of me.
I did not enjoy high school. I didn't love my school and had a total of two friends from the whole 2000-and-something population. Most of my friends came from my church, and that's where I was comfortable. At school I was quiet, reserved and terrified of people in general. I was scared of what they thought. But at church, I was a student leader, led high school volunteers on a children's worship and dance team and was known for being fearless and relentless in all my endeavors.
I've struggled with being OK with being myself for a good seven years now. There are times when I am bold and confident and feel that I can be myself with whoever I'm with whenever I want. Other times, I walk into room, immediately retreat and awkwardly linger, praying that no one approaches me in fear of small talk.
There is really no part of me that wants to be a quiet and shy person. I don't want to be intimidated by people.There is nothing in me that is happy or content when I am quiet. When I introvert myself, the whole time, I'm thinking about how stupid I am and how ridiculous it is that I'm so terrified of what people think that I stop talking completely.
About a year ago, I found this song called "Move" by Little Mix. The bridge of this song says:
I know that you wanna
But you can't 'cause you gotta
Stay cool in the corner but the truth is
You wanna move, so move
I want to move. I don't want to stay in the corner; I wasn't made to stay in the corner and stay silent. God made each of us so that we could glorify Him through the gifts, talents and personalities He has given us. He gave me an outgoing personality, so why should I denounce what God has gifted me when when there could be an opportunity for a gospel conversation? Granted, I might not share it right then and there, but if I could just be who God created me to be, it could lead to so many things and opportunities to share the gospel.
I am not here to please or glorify others, I am here to glorify my Creator. He made us, died on the cross for us and redeemed us so that we do not have to live in fear of the judgement of others.
I love that Little Mix are the ones that have finally convinced me of this.
But hey, whatever it takes, right?
