Most people who know me vicariously through social media would likely be surprised to know that I am predisposed to being pessimistic. For the longest time, I was stuck in a gloomy rut of, "Well this is how I am, this is how I've always been and there is no hope for change." Of course, that was my pessimistic internal voice controlling my thoughts. My inner optimist, that I now yearn to be, knows that nothing negative, (or positive for that matter) is permanent. Nearly all things are fleeting, and this includes my thoughts and perceptions.
Although I will be the first to tell you that my self induced optimism is flawed, I can also assure you that a positive outlook was easier to achieve than one might think. It is not enjoyable to naturally be negative, and it is actually quite draining. When you are pessimistic, you see where things will go wrong, and assume the worst case scenario is the most likely scenario. When you apply to a job, you know that your resume will never make it to the head honcho, and on the slight chance that it would, you know that another one of the applicants is more fit for the job. When in a picture with your best friend, you just know that they look better than you, which of course also means that they are smarter, more interesting and an all around better person than you. When you find out your favorite band is finally releasing a new album, you get a gnawing feeling that they are trying out a trendier sound, and if there is one thing that a pessimist knows for sure, it is that new news is always bad news. These are just a few examples of how a pessimist might look at everyday situations, and as someone who has to fight these thoughts everyday, I can assure you that it is absolutely no way to live.
A pessimist dwells on the negative and overlooks the positive. This was the first, most important and most difficult barrier to overcome on my journey to become an optimist. When you focus on what is going wrong, not only do you miss all of the things that are going right, but you also don't understand how necessary negative things can be. Though unenjoyable, many of life's greatest lessons can only be taught through suffering. And what comes after suffering? Wisdom and also the "good times"! This was something I didn't see as a pessimist. I used to think that life was full of pain and misfortune, and if a happy moment slipped in, it certainly wouldn't last. I now feel that life is good and full of joy, and it is the not so good moments that slip in from time to time, though those too are fleeting. Everyday, I allow myself to get excited about anything that I want, even if it is something small like cherry cola. When EVERYTHING makes you happy, it is easy to think of the world as an innately good place, and it is much easier to move past the hiccups.
Another thing that might not be a trait of all pessimists, but certainly was for me, is the desire to control. Because I thought of the world as a negative place, I felt that anything out of my control was bad. If I could not know the outcome, I was afraid, and I assumed the worst. I still struggle with this idea to this very day. My coping mechanism for this is to pray, and also to remember times when things were out of my control and the outcome was pleasant. This can be as small as riding a topsy-turvy roller coaster and exiting with a cheesy grin, or falling in love and being vulnerable, and realizing my boyfriend was doing the same. I then remember that things that are out of my control are some of the happiest things that I hold in my heart. As for the things that don't go so well, I remind myself that life is full of ups and downs, and that I will have a happy life if I focus on the positive over the negative.
I'm not a perfect optimist. I have to literally combat negative thoughts with positive ones some days. Sometimes it shocks me that there are people that are predisposed to think positively. I think the most important thing for a pessimist turned optimist to remember is that it isn't that optimists don't have negative thoughts, it is just that they don't allow these thoughts to run the game. I want the positive thoughts to run my life. Once I realized this, I decided that I had a happy, imperfect life, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
