I've talked about the downsides of introversion in one of my previous articles, but I gave a only a general overview of what is a highly complex state of being. Introversion in itself is not a negative trait to have, but for me personally, it comes with many downsides. For example, the most menial task involving leaving my house would become exhaustive, and with no motivation to get started, I would procrastinate for hours or even days at a time. My serotonin deficiency would take over and leave me feeling physically ill. We're talking stomach flu quality every single morning I got up for high school. It got so bad at one point that I used to have to flee to the bathroom for twenty minutes at a time during my second period class just to calm down. The walk back, on the other hand, was always refreshing.
This was a single side-effect that I was aware of. This lifestyle came with several others, the most important one being a crippling fear of change. To give some context, I've lived in the same house for my whole life, I've played the same video game series' for God knows how many years, and I tried desperately to hang on to all the friends I had in high school for fear of ending up alone (a venture that ultimately failed, mind you). Change terrified me because I never planned for it. Everything was always going to abide by my rules and nothing else. After all, if it ain't broke, why fix it?
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The transition to college was rough, more so for me than anyone else I knew. Friends left and always seemed too busy with their own lives for me to fit in somewhere, and my introversion prevented me from reaching out for fear of being told "no." I still remember getting asked at least three times during my freshman year by various professors, "Do you even want to be in college?" I could never say, "I was happier in high school. Nothing changed and I could write whatever I wanted. I had friends there- my life had purpose." Instead, I lived in the same bubble of uncertainty I had feared my whole teenage life.
So why does this matter?
Because I didn't realize what an unhealthy, isolated life I was living until I was forced to step outside of my comfort zone. It was the whole year of 2015 that gave me the kick in the ass that I needed. Over various personal issues including almost dropping out of school, I learned that change needed to happen in order to bring out the best in myself. I had to go through a process of rigorous self-reflection in order to build myself back from the ground up.
My improv teacher during sophomore year of college really helped me understand this. She said over and over again, "Saying, 'yes,' leads to adventure. Saying, 'no,' leads to safety." At first, I thought this was just a technique to enhance the quality of a scene, but then I began to apply this principle to my own life. I began to reach out again to old friends and realize that their lives weren't too busy to spare a simple conversation. When these conversations turned into going downtown for sushi and heading up to Times Square during Valentine's Day weekend, I saw my quality of life improve. The things that I saw to be unreachable were now within my grasp, and it was all because I had bothered to step beyond what I was comfortable with. After all, saying hi never killed anyone, right?
Now, I'm not saying I recommend everyone on the planet to drink triple whiskeys and do ski jumps off the Adirondacks, but I do think that embracing something that would normally make you want to stay home may just be the kick YOU need. Don't glue yourself to the couch just to find out what's inside that safe on Storage Wars, go out and make your own memories while you still can. I don't want to sound like one of those hippies that tells you to live in the moment because, frankly, they piss me off too, but try for at least once a month. Don't be so afraid of something that is so inevitable and essential to life. Changing as a person is what we're all meant to do. It is the choices we make that will hopefully enable us to change for the better.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called 'the present."
