19 years old is a very very weird and complicated age for me. I'm nearing the death of my teenage-hood, and I've learned a lot in the short 3 (almost 4) months of being this age. Yet, the more people I talk to, the more confused I become. Some are younger than me and more aspiring, with bigger goals that they plan to obtain faster. Then, some are much older than me and seem to not quite have a proper understanding of the world around them. Meaning no goals, and far behind myself in terms of personal growth and general maturity progress. From this, I've learned that comparisons are not fit for some situations. For example, most people I know are not living completely by themselves, going to school, and working a job, with a goal to eventually be a film producer. That's where I'm at right now. It's weird, though because my parents are still paying rent and utilities (which I'm obviously extremely grateful for), I'm still under my father's insurance, and I still get an allowance. So, ok, I'm not quite grown, and people don't quite consider me an adult, but they still expect me to act like one.

I remember this feeling, and I remember where it came from. It came from being a tween. A tween is someone who isn't quite out of adolescence, and who isn't yet into the teenage hood, between the ages of 11 and 12. The only difference is that there's a name for that period of time in one's life.

What brings this to my attention is a video a YouTuber made in which she interviewed an 11-year-old and asked her a myriad of questions. One question being "Why do you think adults don't 'play' as much?"

Now, when I was 11, I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable with myself, to the point where I'd lash out in anger and showed very early stages of anxiety and depression. Meanwhile, everyone around me seemed to be progressing forward by getting good grades, and having a lot of friends. If you ask anyone who knew me in middle school, they will tell you that 11 was not my year.

I can vividly remember, though, wanting to de-stress and relax by playing with my stuffed animals, or watching an animated show on PBS. And though that is a time in life to ween off of childhood tendencies like that, I found that it opened the creativity that lead me to be the person that I am today.

I would make short videos with complicated, layered stories of my stuffed animals. I gave them personalities that I could and could not relate to. It helped me figure out who I was and it wasn't until I eventually stopped playing with toys around the end of age 12.

But why did I stop? If it helped me so much, and opened up so many doors in my mind, why would I suddenly close that just because, "teenagers and adults don't play with toys." Why not re-open that door and expand my imagination? Especially as someone that wants to be a film producer, why would I limit my creative abilities?

Playing with "kid toys" doesn't necessarily have to be associated with adolescence. there's a big difference between regressing, and simply playing with toys. If I'm an adult, or if I'm any age ever, I feel that myself and everyone else, has every right to play with toys the same way a child may, whether it's to de-stress, or open up my imagination, or both, without being stigmatized.

This isn't me coming out and saying "HEY WORLD, I HAVE A STASH OF SECRETE TOYS AND I PLAY WITH DOLLS AND STUFFED ANIMALS!" This is just me saying that one's creative mind should not be limited due to social stigma. If I want to play with dolls and stuffed animals I will, and I wouldn't hide it from anyone.

So, let's de-stigmatize imagination, and play with toys. Let's take back our creative freedom.