I first laid eyes on you when I was in the 8th grade. You where a freshman in high-school and you were dating this little redhead that rode my bus. You rode the bus home with her one day, and probably didn't even notice me, you were so wrapped up in her. But i couldn't take my eyes off of you. The first thing I noticed were your eyes. They were brown, but not like any I had ever seen before. They were a golden color and so bright, so beautiful. The next thing I noticed was your hair. It was so long and beautiful, honestly I was a little jealous. You had braces and a Jack Skeleton hat on..but I've never seen anything so perfect in my life.

A few months later, I added you on Facebook and noticed that you were single. I decided to be brave and send you a message. "You're cute." That was all it said. But it must have been enough because not long after, you were asking me to be your girlfriend. You sent me a voice message and asked me because my grandma was super strict and wouldn't let me see you. I cried, it was so cute and perfect. It was the perfect way to ask a nerdy little 15 year old girl out.

My freshman year of high-school started soon after that and our relationship took a turn. My dad showed up at your house after school and yelled at you and your mom. For what, I'm still not sure. But I have never been so humiliated in my life. I thought for sure you would never talk to me again. But you stuck by me. We were together for 9 months. and even though we only saw each other at school and fought constantly because of my family, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect partner. You were so incredibly sweet and I thought for sure we would make it last. But I guess everyone has their limits and you had finally reached yours.

Even though we broke up, you were still a huge part of my life. You were one of my closest friends, whether you realize that or not. I was always able to be myself around you and you seemed to understand me better than most people. I adored everything about you and with each day, I fell more and more in love with you. Even if I didn't quite understand it then.

You've had a few relationships since then. You and I have even tried to see if we could make it work again..but you always chose a safer route, you always chose to be with someone else. At the time, I didn't blame you for that because I couldn't give you what you wanted then. It wasn't the right time.

I have attempted to move on since then. I even got involved with someone, fell in love and got my heart ripped out. However, as soon as that was over, you were the first person I ran to. Even when I have tried talking to other people, I always find something wrong. They're eyes don't shine as bright, they're laugh isn't as contagious, they don't make me feel comfortable/safe, and they don't make my heart as happy as you did.

Because It's always been you.

5 years. That's how long this on and off, love/hate, relationship has been going on. You were my first love..My first heartbreak..My first everything. You showed me what it was like to be loved and what it was like to give all of yourself to somebody. Because even though you were such a jerk to me for a while and made me think that I could honestly hate you..I knew I would always care for you..

I still look at your eyes the same as I did back then. I still involuntarily smile back when you smile at me. And I still think your laugh is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. We are completely different people now. I haven't told you this but I am so proud of how far you have come and how much you have grown.

I'm not over you. I will never be over you. And I do not know what that means. I do not know what the future holds. But I do know that I am incredibly thankful that I have had the chance to love you.