We have all been in a situation where we were nervous about meeting people or trying to make a good impression. The advice most often given involves something along the lines of "just be yourself." I'm going to tell you why that advice is, nine times out of 10, very unhelpful.
In today's society, there is so much pressure about how to look, how to act, what to say, etc. We look at models and celebrities as a guide to show us what is acceptable. People are so desperate to fit in that they are losing touch with who they really are. It is hard to grasp, but it is completely unnecessary to mimic other people. What makes a person special is not how good they are at fitting in or being a clone of someone else. What makes them special is their differences, their quirks and their personal way of being.
It is not at all easy to be yourself. It takes time to understand yourself in the first place. Sometimes understanding yourself is hard. When you're not sure of who you are, you can get lost in something that is not you at all. Most of us have lost ourselves somewhere along our journey in life. In high school I became someone I didn't even recognize. I struggled for a while, but then I eventually stopped drowning and came to the surface. When I looked back at the things I had done, said and the way I had been acting, I knew it wasn't me. I needed a reality check.
Even after you realize you're not being yourself, it still might take time to figure out who you really are. Unfortunately, no one can do this for you. Your good friends can help you along the way. They can remind you what your interests are and what you believe in. Your family knows you better than anyone. If you need someone to talk to, try a family member you're really close to. My mom is always helpful when I have an identity crises. She always tells me to think about what I was like as a child. Your childhood self is the best representation of your true soul. Without the influence of the media, without self-conscious thoughts, your childhood self was free and stayed true to who they were. Think about what makes you happy. Not just something that makes you giggle, think about something that makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. In that moment, you are you. You have completely let yourself go and you are genuinely happy. Go to that place and stay there. That's a good start when trying to find yourself.
Sometimes finding yourself can be lonely. You may lose friends that aren't quite your style. You might have to spend some time alone to figure out who you are. It's completely normal to be alone during this time. Although it might be scary to be alone, remember you never truly are. Your family constantly surrounds you and wants to give you their love. Let them. Your true friends will stick with you through it all. Take some "me" time and don't be afraid.
Once you know yourself, you'll feel more comfortable about the things you like or your weird quirks that no one else has. Even though you're comfortable with yourself, you may not be confident enough to show others who you are. This was a big bump in my road. I finally came to terms with how I really was, but I wasn't brave enough to show them to the world. That's okay. It is very intimidating to look at your peers with your true self showing. It takes time to be so comfortable with who you are that you are willing to share it with others. A lot of this comes with maturity as well. As you get older, you start to realize that your happiness is most important. The fact that it doesn't matter what people think about you will resonate. You'll start to like yourself and all the things that make you special. Once you start loving yourself, you'll be able to be yourself, wear what you want and strut your stuff around anyone.
Loving yourself is about knowing yourself, understanding yourself and being confident about who you are. This feeling will radiate off of you. This can instill a positive energy in the hearts of others. When you love yourself and are confident about your differences, people will take notice. Positivity radiates off of you and can affect others just as easily. Even still, haters are always around. Part of being confident is being able to understand that the hatred people spew is not about you. People that hate on others are either jealous, they don't love themselves or both. This can be tough. When people say hateful things about you, you can't listen. You have to take their words and understand that the reason why they said what they did has nothing to do with you, but has everything to do with them. Easier said than done, but once you have conquered this, your life will be full of radiance.
So yes, it is difficult to be yourself in this world. You are constantly being watched and judged by others. With social media, there are eyes everywhere. As long as you can stay true to yourself, be confident about your differences, love who you are and ignore the haters, you will be golden. If someone tells you to "be yourself" now, I hope that you are brave enough to try! You are beautiful inside and out. Never forget it!
