Sometimes, Valentines Day can feel like a slap in the face when you are a single pringle. Being single, my day probably looked a little bit different than someone in a committed relationship. For all those people out there in a relationship: congrats! Although I don’t necessarily think you need a holiday to express how much you care about each other, any excuse to show some extra love is always fun.

I like to use Valentines Day and the time around it as a chance to reflect. Not in a negative wallowing way. It helps me to relive the relationships I’ve had and see what’s gone wrong. Instead of wallowing, I like to take what I’ve learned and put it to good use moving forward. I find that making a list of all of the qualities I’m looking for in a guy, in a relationship and in myself helps.

People say “your vibe attracts your tribe.” Cheesy? Yes. But also very true. Sometimes in the midst of living life, we forget to reflect on ourselves. Make a list of qualities you would want someone to use to describe you. Are you living your life that way? Do you think you're exemplifying those qualities? If not, how can you change that? Self-improvement is always step-one because in order to attract an incredible person you need to be at your absolute best.

They could walk into your life at any moment and don’t you want to be ready? This is the perfect time to decide what you are looking for. What your needs and wants are. Be real with yourself, what helps you feel safe and loved in a relationship. What are deal breakers? What are you not willing to compromise on?

The truth is this. He/she/they are either in your realm right now or they aren’t. Putting yourself out there can obviously increase your chances of finding them (shockingly enough, eating Milka chocolate bars in bed and watching Netflix would not be considered putting yourself out there). But, if they aren’t there than they aren’t there.

Till then, I’ll keep dreaming. The bar is too low right now and I know that. The number of conversations I’ve had with my friends where we gush over a guy because he simply asked us a couple of questions about ourselves is far too often. That is too low. I can’t justify that as a reason to like someone. He listens? Good, he should. That should be the expectation, not that exception. I want someone who will put forth the effort and care that I will.

Today, I am a single chick. But I’m not sad. I’m happy to celebrate the disgustingly cute couples and know that my time will come. Because I love who I am and where I am and who I’m with. And for right now that’s more than enough.