Through the years, I've heard over and over that it's impossible to be friends with your ex. However, I can only name one ex-boyfriend that I have ill feelings towards, and I still wish him the best. I've always wondered why it's such taboo to be friends with someone that you've once had feelings for, and even after asking my friends (and getting terrible reasons), I still can't understand the logic.
Being friends with guys has always come easier to me than being friends with girls. I play video games, I play sports, I love watching and going to games and I can probably shotgun a beer faster than your uncle. I (basically) lived in a fraternity house for a semester last year, and in a room full of people, I'll probably sit wherever the most guys are. That doesn't mean I'm a whore or slut, but they certainly are less judgmental than most girls and they're much easier for me to strike up a conversation with.
All of the guys I've dated have had an understanding that most of my friends are dudes, and that they aren't going to be able to change that. Because of that, I've never really had any jealous relationships. I've always shared many interests with them and it's never a dull moment. Every single person I dated at one point made me beyondhappy, and I feel like most people can say the same. So why is it so terrible to be friends with your exes?
It doesn't make sense to have hatred towards someone who once made you the happiest person in the world. It doesn't make sense to treat someone who once gave you everything you wanted, like dirt. It doesn't make sense to push out happy memories that someone's given you, just because life has taken you in two different different directions. PEOPLE GROW APART! That's completely normal. You can't hate everyone who leaves your life, because sometimes it isn't anything either of you can control.
Before being friends with my exes, I've always had a detox period where I limit contact for a while but it never lasts too long. It's enough to take off some of the sting, but not enough to forget all of the good that came from what we were. Closure is important, and being friends with an ex can be an effective way to bring it. Without closure, you'll be stuck wondering "why" and that can cause emotional stress. Another important thing is that in order to have an effective friendship, both parties have to have honest intentions and they need to be clear. This can all come from having an honest, calm conversation with your past significant other about what happened and why, and why you want to remain in each other's lives.
There are a few great reasons to stay friends with an ex. First off, you won't be so afraid of future breakups. Breakups can be terrifying, especially when they all end in breaking ties completely. Messy fights don't do any good for anybody, ever, I've never heard of any good coming out of hating someone you once cared about, and it can do a lot of emotional harm.
It can be rough losing not only a boy/girlfriend, but mutual friends at the same time. If you stay friends with an ex, however, you not only get to keep them as a friend, but you don't have any battles over mutual friends. The worst thing you can do to a friend is ask them to pick sides in an argument between two people they care about. Those things never end well either, and can result in you losing much more than your ex.
Being friends with an ex can also send a message to your future significant others. If you have a history of terribly messy breakups, it could point to you being the issue and could be a huge flashing red sign. However, if they see you're easy to get along with, they may feel better about entering a relationship with you.
Lastly, if you decide to remain friends with your ex, you gain a friend who knows more about you than most and understands you to the fullest. Nobody quite understands you and the way you think like somebody who loves you, not to mention they know your interests, what makes you laugh, your favorite food, random little things that other people don't know about you. They'll know what to do when you're upset, scared, or nervous and will know how to cheer you up and make you feel better.
There are so many reasons why it's okay to remain friends with someone you once loved. I highly encourage everyone I know to try and maintain friendships with their exes and see what happens. You never know, one day, they could end up being your best friend in the entire world.
