Recently I was listening to a radio morning show and trophy wives came up as a topic. Would you choose to become one? I typically shut the radio off when I reach my destination, but I was invested. I had to know what callers had to say to such a question, given the political and social climate we live in.
The term trophy wife is generally defined as a young, attractive wife regarded as a status symbol for an older man.
The first caller replied pretty enthusiastically, fantasizing about how nice it would be to stop working and be pampered. After all, a trophy wife's job is essentially to look good, take some fitness classes in the morning and lounge in a mansion. This would all be for the sake of proving her husband's status.
The host was an excellent Devil's advocate with follow-up questions such as, “You don’t want to have your own accomplishments?” She answered that she worked her whole life and was essentially okay with being “arm candy.”
I genuinely expected quick "no's" to the question, and was finally able to leave my car when a caller explained that she would never and has dreams to accomplish herself rather than to live in the shadows as a passive wife. Although as luxurious of a life that could be, she wasn't interested.
Of course there’s always the running joke of the model-esque woman marrying an older man for his riches. They sacrifice their time, the opportunity to find love and their own success simply to make easy money when the spouse croaks. It’s not an opportunity that presents itself to most, so the fantasy doesn’t have the opportunity to be realized and the thought doesn’t linger for long.
Disclaimer: I must respect every woman's opinion and stand point on this and any other topic along these lines. I refuse to force my opinions on a person or judge them for theirs because that accomplishes very little. Rather, my aim is to continue the conversation. With that being said, here is my opinion on the matter.
The concept of being valuable simply based off of appearances or wealth is incredibly unsettling and not something to be overlooked. Marriage and gender roles aside, money and beauty are rarely concepts that can bring genuine happiness. This material need zones in on a woman becoming an object to obtain.
The fact that by definition the woman goes from being a person to a “symbol” of the husband’s accomplishments removes her identity as a human being.
It gives the impression that women are interchangable and accepting this role gives way for strict gender roles to persist. When I think of gender roles, I envision a young boy or girl learning them for the first time. A girl being cat called and coming to see it as “normal.” A boy hearing a national leader state that you can do whatever you want when you have money and internalizing that.
How we behave and the values we enforce do in fact affect each other. Recently I visited a relative in an elderly home and seemed to time travel back decades. The topic of women entering power positions arose. Initially, I became excited to discuss the topic with a generation I don’t interact with daily. However, a woman grimaced before sharing her belief that "only men should be in charge.”
So what does that have to do with the topic of trophy wives? We can do better. We need to, for the generations to come so that they don’t grow with the belief you can purchase happiness, that they are less valuable than the opposite gender or that they are better than the opposite gender.
We’re so much more than gender roles.
