If you aren't Asian, I'm sure that, at some point in your life, you have asked yourself or your Asian friends, "Why do Asians always cluster together and only hang out with each other?" Now, I hope that your first assumption is not that we're racist or prejudiced against non-Asians, because that isn't the case whatsoever. I recently got into a discussion about this societal trend with a friend of mine, and I figured I had a pretty decent platform to shed some light on the truth behind our tendency to form these groups.
Disclaimer: I do not wish to seem like I'm speaking on behalf of every Asian out there because, quite frankly, we all feel differently about the matter. I am mostly highlighting my own experiences.
Miji, this is for you.
First, a quick background: I was born and raised in Staten Island, New York. It is a predominantly white place of residence, which is what I was primarily exposed to in my childhood and adolescence. Although I had a fairly diverse group of friends in elementary and middle school, my most formative years were spent in a high school in the heart of an upper-middle class neighborhood with a student population that was nearly 90% white. In my four years there, most of the friendships I formed were with non-Asian people, and the only Asian friends I had were as "whitewashed" as I was. I had adopted their vernacular, their mannerisms, their choices in fashion and music, and even their accents.
Among the approximate 10% of minorities, it seemed that the Asians that were "more Asian" than me only befriended and hung out with each other. This was strange to me – I couldn't fathom why or how they were so exclusive and did not strive to have a more diverse group of friends. It wasn't until college, where I became immersed in so many Asian cultures and formed my own group of Asian friends, that I finally understood the reason behind it.
Being around people that share your culture and ideals is, in a word, comforting. Personally, I have been heavily involved in the Filipino club on campus for nearly four years, and making Filipino friends gave me insight into a type of bond that I did not have within other friendships. I feel understood, like I don't have to prove myself or try too hard. There's no need for explanation when it comes who I am and what I believe in.
A big issue that I had growing up was trying to explain my parents' beliefs and expectations to my non-Asian friends. I got a lot of "Just tell them this" or "They can't say no to that" when it was much more complicated than that. Not to discredit my non-Asian friends, but there's just something about Asian disciplinary practices that is unique to the culture itself. Being around people that get that uniqueness makes for really appealing company.
I could go on and on about the meaning behind Asian-to-Asian friendships, but what it really comes down to is the feeling of acceptance. Of course that comes with any and every friendship we share with others, and I don't know if it's because we're a certain type of minority or that we live under the same stereotypes and stigmas, but it elicits a kind of unity that is strong and supportive. Don't get me wrong – I have nothing but love for my non-Asian friends, some of which are the best friends I've ever had. That just goes to show how truly impactful my Asian friends are in my life.
To my Asian friends, I would just like to say: thank you. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for understanding me. Most importantly, thank you for loving me, exactly as I am.
