Shout out to all of my fellow millennials who are either single, dating or going through a long engagement. Newsflash: you all are not alone. In fact, there are more of us out there than you realize. Marriage is a huge commitment and it appears that many of us are not ready for such a thing, heck some of us are terrified of getting married or are just better off thinking about other things alone.
No biggie though ladies and gents! It's perfectly OK to know that you're doing your own thing. Relationships are at that most vulnerable now and in a totally bizarre place thanks to technology (thank you bumble, tinder and every other dating app/site known to mankind). It seems we are not good at meeting people the old-fashioned way and a lot of it has to do with our time. That is perfectly OK. If you're goal driven and ambitious and you are wanting to get personal accomplishments done, that is totally understandable and you might not have time to tie yourself down or can't see someone to go on that journey with yet.
But who's to blame for so many of us not tying the knot as quickly as our parents did? Are we really that dysfunctional or is there more than meets the eye like a Transformer? The truth of the matter is that many of us are also taking notice of how well it went for our parents and a lot of us have seen the big 'd' word firsthand: divorce.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Ty this is a sensitive topic and you probably have no idea what you're talking about." That's a fair statement. I have plenty of friends my age that I've known since high school that are married and have children and are having the time of their lives. Some of you reading are probably going through the same thing I am if you're my age: you see the wedding photos on Facebook, the baby shower pics of your female friends smiling with all of her friends, and the beautiful Hallmark-style birth and after birth pictures. Yeah, that's all well and good, but divorce is still around and it's still higher than what those pictures show.
Before my friends who are married think that I'm in any way shape or form bitter or jealous of what they have, I'd like to preface the rest of what I'm about to say with, "No guys, I'm really not." I'm simply going by mathematical data as to what is going on through several studies and research. As I've addressed, this is no perfect world for pairing off and long-term commitment in the present day environment in which we live. In fact, the ideal romances that many of us have probably seen (more than likely our grandparents), have seemed to become a thing of the past. Hold on though, it gets better.
Let's talk about divorce. Studies have shown that over 50 percent of marriages will fail. Avvo did a study on this and have found out that one in every five marriages they surveyed were considering a divorce. One in every five guys! That is insane, but sadly that is where we are.
Of the last three generations, the baby boomers have the highest rate of divorce here in America. Yes, you read that correctly-our grandparents generation, the "me generation," are the ones getting divorced and even weirder, they have coined a phrase for divorces of those aged 50 and up: "gray divorce."
Now the Millennials are making divorce rates go down and Gen-X had low divorce rates in the 1990s. That being said, Generation X did not go unscathed with divorces at all (many of us millennials are kids from divorced homes). Research shows that 70 percent of marriages in the 1990s made it to their 15th anniversaries, meanwhile marriages that took place in the 2000s had lower divorce rates. There is still the factor of couples and marriage for us millennials.
Marriage in this country is at an all-time low for the Millennials. We stand at 26 percent. Why? Maybe some of us are afraid to get married. Studies show that we are undoubtedly choosier when it comes to finding lifelong partners compared to our parents and grandparents (the baby boomers got married relatively young). We are breaking the traditional roles of partnerships as we have higher numbers of couples living together and having children without being married. So much so, that we have had higher birthing rates as 2006 saw a record number of births — greater than the Baby Boomer generation and Generation Z is now considered the "Boomlets" generation.
I believe that a lot of us have seen failed marriages even with those statistical numbers. I also think it has a lot to do with personal goal chasing and being unsure whether or not our current partners are on the same page or introducing a partner that could end up permanent into our goal setting. One concern found in these studies is financial concerns and how much weddings often cost. We are often described as an "entitled" generation and although I tend to disagree, we have every right to be choosy of who we end up with. Let's not rule out though, some of us might be disinterested or just not care.
The point is for those of you not married, living with someone and not ready to take the plunge, are going through a long engagement, or are currently single and/or dating, don't feel bad or alone. We should be allowed to find the person that makes us happy. Many of us have seen the other side and have experienced divorce and want something better for our kids. There is hope with us that by the numbers, we are staying married as an age demographic even though divorce rates are still high. We are still a relatively young generation with making and starting families so only time will tell and the data may change.
