I remember growing up in middle school with the rest of the girls, and listening to them talk about how they prayed to God and wished to Santa Claus that their boobs would come in. Sadly, I could only wish I knew their problem, but I couldn't because I was already wearing a 38B in the sixth grade. You think that would be fun because you were the most stared at and admired by the boys while also being the most envied and gawked by the girls because they swore you stuffed your bra. It was the complete opposite. Regardless of all the comments coming from both sides, all that s**t you said behind my back is what is hurting. These are the confessions of a heavy chested girl, or as my friends like to call it, "The big boob chronicles."
On behalf of all the heavy chested girls across the world, I would like to apologize to my flat chest when I did have one. I should never have taken for granted all the times I could sleep on my back without feeling like I was being suffocated by mountains and even just being able to watch television. One of my best friends who has the same problem would say that she would rather "cut them off and nail them to a tree." Having big boobs is not all Baywatch running and Victoria Secret. The only time being heavy chested came in handy was when I hid candy in my bra before I walked in the movie theaters.
Kidding!
Absolutely not kidding...
1. You could go the dressing room with 100 items and coming back out with two while still looking like this.
Everything in you is trying not to stand completely straight up because you're not trying to bust the buttons off the outfit. Help!
2.“Why are you showing so much cleavage?”
Look here, no matter how much we try not to be "sexual" with our outfits it is hot and just like everything else, it needs to be breath. We are not doing this to get attention, but just stay cool.
3. "You are so lucky to have big boobs."
But seriously, are you finished? Are you done? There is nothing lucky about having back pains because you can not handle what is in front of you. I wouldn't wish big boobs on my worst enemy.
4. Like unicorns, direct eye contact is mythical.
We all know that my eyes are not below my neck, so I'm just going to ignore that.
5. It feels physically impossible to workout or play a sport.
Even with a regular bra and two sports bras on, you still manage to jiggle when you run and lord forbid if you encounter stairs.
6. "Can I touch them?"
I am not a petting zoo, so no you cannot touch them.
7. Trying to wear anything strapless during the Summer.
NOTHING, I mean NOTHING ever stays up. Lord, what have I done to be punished!?
8. Trying to find a cute in my size is like looking for the Bermuda Triangle and coming back. It NEVER happens.
Can I just have a little bit of print or something sexy for once!? Maybe even a Victoria Secret bra one day.
9. Babies instinctively go for your goods.
I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but there is no milk in there.
10. You have a better shot at winning the lottery than finding a button-down shirt that doesn’t gap. Also goes for bikini tops where you don't have to choke yourself, because you have to tie it tight.
11. No matter what the rest of your body looks like, you are automatically labeled curvy. But hey, at least you’re in pretty good company.
These are just a FEW of the things we experience and the list just goes on and on and on and on. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self to value the time I had before I had boobs, save up every dime I ever made for bra's, and be cautious about my breast and get yearly checks and mammograms. The Breast things in Life are not always free. LOLOL.
