Recently a friend of mine alerted me to a post on Yik Yak about hickeys and how they are gross and make people "afraid you are diseased whenever they see you” and another user commented about the dangers of hickeys: "The blood clots can travel to your heart and cause a heart attack.”

From the research I have done there has only ever been one person who had a blood clot from a hickey, and it was located over a major artery, and from the information I gathered there were probably some other underlying health concerns, such as age, etc.

I did karate for more than five years. Sometimes I would receive bruises when I would spar (fight) other people. No one ever stared at me or was afraid that I was diseased or rebuked me for having them. In fact most people never even brought them up, at the most they would ask how I got them and if I was alright. Why is it then that if someone has a hickey judgmental looks and bias is passed upon that person? People complain that it is gross, but I have never had someone tell me any of my bruises are gross, (that is all that hickeys are; they are just bruises).

I think the reason why people get so upset with them or with seeing them is because in American culture sex is one of those topics that we aren’t supposed to talk about just like sexuality or mental illnesses or menstruation. Yet in our society, we are constantly bombarded with images and messages about sex and how to be better at sex and how sex is supposed to be done, the right way — usually hetero-normative. It is everywhere from television shows, ads, porn banners on websites and commercials. For instance, for this article I googled “successful ads” and I didn’t have to go far to find things that were basically selling sex appeal as a side effect of their product. These are just a few of the ads that I found:

From an outside perspective, our society seems as though it is ruled by sex. It is in some aspects, but in a paradoxical way, it is just fine that we see it everywhere, and that we sexualize everyday objects and activities. But the minute we talk about it or it becomes something specific to an individual, it is not okay. That is why I think people aren’t okay with seeing hickeys because they are not okay with a real person’s sex life and they are not comfortable with their own sexuality.

I asked a few friends of mine what they thought of hickeys and what they think when they see people out in public who have them. The responses were pretty much along the lines of indifference when it came to seeing them on other people and that it is a result of a private action and so it’s no one else’s business whether it exists in plain view or not. Keep in mind that I go to a very liberal liberal arts college. There was, however, one person who remarked that they wouldn’t want other people to see them because they would be “quite embarrassed,” and I think that falls into the idea that our society as a whole is ashamed about sexuality. That makes me very sad because people should be able to feel comfortable with themselves and their wants, desires, needs and actions.