Why Anxiety Is The Best Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Me

I have anxiety.

No, I am not just nervous or scared. The things that run through my mind when something goes wrong (or perfectly right, in some cases) would scare even the toughest of minds. I am not a product of this crippling disease, though. No, I am an overcomer that perseveres through all of the sweating, pain, tears, and shaking I must endure at even the slightest unwanted presence.

Being nervous for a big test is no big deal. Getting butterflies around that boy at work is typical. Your tummy twisting when you’re excited for the day is normal. What is not normal, however, is being petrified to even look up from your phone or lap when someone else is driving. When you are shaking (literally) in your boots at the thought of trying something new in your life, that’s when you know it’s a problem. The first time I ever thought I could have anxiety was in the fourth grade. There was a hurricane warning around, and all I could think about was how much could go wrong and what could happen to my family and I. I was not excited when we were let out of school for snow days, because all I could think about was the fact that my stepdad was working outside in those brutal conditions. All I wanted was to help him, but I knew I was too young and fragile. Being terrified to make friends, go new placed, and venture outside my comfort zone has taught me many lessons. I know that I cannot make plans with anyone who isn’t 100% concrete, no flaking at all. I must now plan little things at least five times with someone before making a plan to go out and spend time together. I also have realized that I am too far in my comfort zone to see the way out. This pushes me to try my hardest to get better, as hard as it may be. My stomach may turn into a tornado of emotions and feelings, but if it puts me one step closer to overcoming my fears, then shall be it.

Anxiety has also taught me that I deserve so much. If a guy gives me the slightest bit of apprehension (besides the nervousness of a guy), I will back away. I deserve nothing but the best guy ever, because anything short send me into a panic induced, rocking back and forth state that no one should have to see.

While anxiety has put me in a lot of awkward situations that led to even MORE anxiety, it has made me who I am today. I am a “stuck in my ways”, down to earth girls that only wants what is best for myself. Anxiety has pushed me to better myself so that I may overcome the overshadowing beast that it is. So while anxiety has put me in an awful state in the past, I realize now that it had brought out some amazing qualities in me that define me as a person.