High school love. It is so pure, so innocent. So often times it leads to marriage, but it also often times leads to heartbreak. I remember my high school love like it was yesterday. It consumed me. It felt like everything I had experienced, every choice I had made, led me to this one person. It was magical. Along with the magic, however, was immaturity. We knew we were head over heels for each other, but we had no idea about the world around us. We were sheltered and we had lessons to learn. Unfortunately, once we were thrown into the real world and went to college, that love quickly came to a screeching halt... and that is OK.
Did it hurt? Absolutely, it hurt like hell. Losing him felt like jumping from the highest building in New York City. The fall down took my breath away, but the final impact was a shocking sense of pain.
It still hurts me sometimes. He crosses my mind every single day, and I do not envision that changing. However, I am grateful for it, grateful for him. Without him, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be as patient as I am. I would not have a certain love for hockey like I do now. I would not notice nice trucks on the highway. I would not know a damn thing about cars, roller hockey, or "That '70s Show."
A lot of people leave their high school relationship hating the person. I'll admit, I did for awhile. It was a nasty breakup and I held a lot of anger in me for about a year. I could not understand why things were the way that they were. It didn't make sense. It was heart-wrenching. This person was the person I thought I was going to spend my life with. This person was MY person. The one I called when I was crying. The one I called when I needed a laugh. The one I ran to when anything in my life happened, so the loss of that was felt deep into my core. Now that I have moved forward, it is so nice to be able to look back on it with a different mindset. My pain turned into gratitude. My anger turned into respect. Getting over him was the thing that really made me grow into an adult.
From my time with him, I learned empathy. I learned that there are three sides to every situation. His side, her side, and the truth. I learned to take a step back and just freaking listen for once. Most importantly, I learned just because you love someone, does not mean you were meant to be together.
Do I miss him? Every single day. Do I want to be with him again? Absolutely not. He is happy, I am happy, and that is the beauty in it all. We both got our happy ending, just not in the way we thought we would. We both left roots within each other that may have made us hate each other in the moment, but helped us grow as separate individuals, something we both needed to do. I whole heartedly believe we will both meet people and love them with all our hearts and be able to make that relationship work through the lessons we learned from each other. For that, I am eternally grateful. For him, I am eternally grateful.
I don't know where he is, or who is is these days, but I do know he's doing just fine, as am I. We both had that amazing ability to come out of a storm better than we had gone into it. I sometimes think that is what drew us to each other to begin with. While our time together ended quite some time ago, I will forever be grateful for what that time did to me as a person. I am grateful for the strength it has put into my friendships with people, I am grateful for the confidence it has instilled in me. I am grateful for the pathway it put both of us on.
The relationship was a short blip in the grand scheme of my life, but the lessons will be carried with me until the day I die. For that? I am forever grateful.
