I am a fan of music. I am a fan of concerts. And I am a big fan of Twenty One Pilots.

Two years ago, a friend showed me their music and I fell hard into the now very popular fandom. The band consists of two members, Tyler Joseph, the singer-songwriter, and Josh Dun, the drummer. The duo has created music that spread like wildfire in the recent years, gaining immense popularity, particularly in young people with their honest lyrics and catchy tunes. In 2013, TOP released their studio album, Vessel including songs “Car Radio,” “Holding On To You,” and “House of Gold.”

Soon, TOP packed up and embarked on tours, starting at small venues and touring alongside big artists like Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, Fitz and the Tantrum, and Walk the Moon. More fans started noticing Twenty One Pilots, and the fandom grew.

The first Twenty One Pilots concert I went to, I had seats. It was a group of friends and it was a multiple headlining show in summer 2014, and I didn’t know what to expect. All the artists were amazing and it was a very memorable night. However, TOP stood out to me because not only was the music incredible, but those two dudes know how to put on a show! The lighting was synced and it was a perfect balanced mixed of crescendos and decrescendos. Something I noticed that Twenty One Pilots did that seems to lack with other artists in live shows was the crowd involvement. They accepted people in the audience to not know all the lyrics to their songs. But they still made a significant effort to have the crowd sway with each other, or jump at certain times. And the ending finale song involves two platforms held up by audience members, while the two stand on the platforms and bang on drums, also held up by audience members.

A year later, embarking on their “Quiet in Violent” tour, I snagged some tickets with a few friends and was excited to see my new favorite band once again. We waited in line for about five hours before the show, because we wanted to be in the spot in the pit to hold up one of the platforms. We entered the pit and waited again for about another hour until the lights flashed and the opening act, Misterwives (who is fantastic as well), was close to coming on stage to start the evening. Immediately, I was pushed into the person in front of me, and I felt more people squeezing in to get closer to the front.

Now, I am a very small 5’1” girl, so it was even more of a challenge to breathe and to stop people from pushing. Anxiety immediately set in, which is ironic that Twenty One Pilots frequently talks about dealing with anxiety issues. I couldn’t find my friends, and the poster we spent so much time on the night before, was lost in the crowd, and stepped on. I was terrified. I was getting kicked and shoved around. Misterwives came on the stage, and people started cheering and even more shoving and pushing occurred. I endured the entire Misterwives show, but as soon as it was done, I had to get of there. Trying to exit a large crowd is like a maze, and when the emotions are high, it feels impossible. Later in the show, Tyler had to stop during a song just to make sure a fan was OK due to the tough crowd. It’s unfortunate I spent the rest of the show in the very back of the seats when I spent so much of my day planning to get in the front of the crowd.

The next Twenty One Pilots concert I attended, I was for sure to purchase seats and not the pit. The concert was still enormous fun, but again, the pit looked rough and I saw pushing and shoving when Tyler would enter the audience. And unfortunately, the next time the duo came to my city, I chose not to go.

It’s unfortunate that the fandom can become rough towards each other. Music is supposed to bring people together, create friendships and memories. We are supposed to look after one another, and create a safe space for all fans to be who they are and enjoy music.