Whenever you are turning a new age, people always ask you, “do you feel different now?” Yes, I felt different turning 10, different turning 13, 16, and different turning 18. Last week Tuesday I turned 20 and it didn’t feel very different from the day before when I was 19. I didn’t feel like I had gained any new knowledge, I didn’t feel unusual, and I didn’t feel older, I felt like me. And that is what age 20 is. The in-between.

I am no longer a teenager, but I am still not really old enough to do anything just yet. I am not able to legally drink, I don’t think I can fully rent a car (I went through that situation last year), but I still have to pay the adult price for everything. Yet, I am not young enough to snag teenage discounts and use my youth to get out of sticky situations. Age 20 is like the age people use to figure themselves out before they are fully an adult the year later. You have the chance to figure out the person you want to become, to pave your life, to do things you never could, to fully be yourself, you. Or me.

I know this article may seem like “Oh, I thought you said you never gained any new knowledge or wisdom after turning 20,” and it’s true, I didn’t. I am honestly just guessing what 20 will feel like. I am hoping that I will be able to do all of these things, to pave my own path, but I will never know until it happens. The age 20 is also a weird age because it’s when you realize your life is flashing before your eyes. It’s like you were 12 years old the other day, having your parents pay for everything and having them drive you everywhere, still making your lunches and picking you up from camp. Now you are in college working towards your career, drowning in homework, lacking in sleep, and killing your liver in-between.

On the day of my birthday, my friend said: “if you think about it, in 8-10 years you’ll be having kids.” That’s when I thought I was going to die because I realized 8-10 years is not enough time to do the things I want to do before I build a family. I want to explore the world, build my career and make a name for myself. I suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough time in the whole world to make these things happen. But then again that is the thing about life. One minute you are young and sitting on your parent’s laps, and now you are on your own in the world. It is both scary and exhilarating, but that is the magical number of 20. I have been alive for two decades and I still don’t really know anything about anything, but hopefully, this is my year to figure it out.