It's not really teenage angst because you're not a teenager anymore, but how much weight does that really hold, coming from someone who is only a few months into their twenties? Perhaps it's just the year so far that has made me feel like I've been 20 for a decade, but I've come to the realization that 20 is what I like to call a "floater" year.
I call it a floater year for a couple of different reasons. I would like to premise by saying that the term "floater" comes from the show "Big Brother." Reality TV isn't a part of my routine anymore, but I remember that the show's contestants used this term to describe other players who were under the radar. The floaters didn't win many challenges, but that was okay because they didn't make any enemies, so they floated through the eliminations. So 20 is a floater year because it kind of just floats by.
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For me, it's almost been an out-of-body experience. I've yet to complete my journey of self-discovery (or maybe even start it?), but who has done that at any point in his or her life? But there is something about transitioning from a teenager to a someone in her twenties that has given me a sense that I need to be doing something significant.
Is a fifth-life crisis the new mid-life crisis?
The "what are you passionate about" question is the scariest thing right now. It goes beyond someone asking what you want to do with your life because, by now, we've mastered an answer to that with a (more than likely) falsely convincing tone. I've come to terms with not knowing what I want to do, but I feel like I should at least be passionate about something. Everything I once had a passion for is faded into neutrality, and they are just hobbies that I like to do now. However, at this age, it doesn't seem like there are as many resources for self-discovery.
No longer is it desirable to free your spirit in the teenage way, nor is it possible/legal to do so in the way of those a year senior to us. So not only are we stuck in a limbo of trying to figure out what we like, we are also confused as to how to spend our time. We aren't grown-ups like we may think we are — the rest of the world will laugh at us for thinking that. Instead of enjoying this age, we are caught up in the stress of tittering on the edge of adulthood. We don't have the ultimate stress of adulthood quite yet, but we've experienced enough to know what to expect of it, and we are staring at it in the face. Being 20 is the calm before the storm, which sometimes can be as scary as the storm.
Albeit, being 20 may seem like one of the most average years of our youth; it's important to take a step back and take the advice that our elders love to give us: these are the best days of our lives. While I like to think that I'm going to make every year(s) the best of the my life, youth is a very special time, and we can't get that time back.
So while 20 is a floater year, float through it with curiosity, love, laughter and possibility.
