If you've ever listened to or watched the Paul Finebaum Show, then you are well aware of the abundance of outrageous callers who fill our airwaves and television screens with absurd and wildly entertaining tirades.
The 2014 NCAA Football season has been no different. So far this season, there have been two memorable callers that may take the prize as the most outlandish callers of the year; they are “Phyllis from Mulga” and “Tammy from Clanton.” Both of these callers have some similarities: they are both middle aged women; they reside in rural towns with populations under 10,000; and they both are avid fans of their beloved football teams, Alabama and Auburn. These vivacious small town women called in to the Finebaum show to have their voices heard, and thanks to their epic rants, we’ve heard them loud and clear. So the question is, who takes the prize as this season’s most entertaining Finebaum Show caller?
“Phyllis from Mulga” (Alabama fan)
Population of Mulga, AL: 973 (oh, wow)
Context of her call: “Phyllis from Mulga” had about heard enough after listening to ESPN Radio host, Colin Cowherd, claim that Alabama’s dynasty was over following a crushing defeat to the Ole Miss Rebels. He went on to say that he believed Nick Saban’s Crimson Tide would be “owned” by Auburn during this season's Iron Bowl. Well, Phyllis wasn’t having it. When she got the chance to call into the show, Phyllis unleashed the wild beast within and gave Finebaum’s fans a performance they will likely never forget.
What she said: “Hey, cow turd. You … you are just – I don’t even have a name for you anymore except cow turd. How dare you say that about Alabama — they lose the game, they lose the game and they lost it to a good team. The team beat Alabama but how can you say, after the dynasty took all these years, all these decades, one game is gonna mean Saban’s dynasty is over. You’re outta ya freakin’ mind, Cowturd! You need to go back to whatever the hell you was doing before you got on the radio. How dare you call me out! You call me out — you’re gonna get me back! Do you hear me you [punk]. I don’t understand the way you act towards it’s – it’s Bama, that’s what it is. It’s Bama! You don’t hate any game in this nation except for Bama and you know why? ‘Cause they’re better than what you’ve got. Nick Saban is a better man than you are. You could never coach, because you don’t have a bit of coaching in your body. You have nothing but to sit there and insult and damn and just carry on about everybody that’s doing something different than you. You’re jealous. That’s the bottom line. You’re jealous. Bama is coming back. Bama has not lost. THE DYNASTY IS NOT OVER! DO YOU HEAR ME COWTURD! BAMA’S DYNASTY HAS JUST BEGUN! KISS MY BUTT! ROLL TIDE!” [hangs up]
“Tammy from Clanton” (Auburn)
Population of Clanton: 8,619
Context of her call: Tammy, an avid Finebaum fan and caller since 2008, called in to the show in mid-November to discuss her beloved Auburn Tigers. Tammy went off, however, when Finebaum asked her if she had ever thought that maybe this was not Auburn’s year. Finebaum’s comment did not sit well with Tammy. She went ballistic, screaming into the phone that Finebaum only cared about Alabama and only wanted to discuss Alabama football, while ignoring Auburn all together.
What was said:
Paul Finebaum: “Tammy, have you ever thought that maybe this just isn’t Auburns year?”
Tammy: “Oh my gosh, it’s always my year when Auburn plays! For all the Tammys out there, let me tell you. There ain’t but one Tammy and that’s me, you understand? There ain’t but one of me, that’s for sure. Paul have I not complained about our defense for the past three years? How many times have I said my grandson can tackle better than the Auburn defense?”
Paul Finebaum: “Tammy, let’s be honest, no one really cares about your opinion of Auburn’s defense okay?”
Tammy: “Oh my God Paul Finebaum I could just … ugh you make me so mad sometimes because you don’t wanna hear nothing about Auburn! All you want to do is hear things about Alabama, or this, or that, or this, or that. You know what? You make me so sick ’cause you ain't nothing but a Bam and that’s all you’re ever gone be. That’s all you wanna talk about, that’s all any of y’all wanna talk about. You didn’t even care less about when Auburn was winnin’, why? Because we’re loosin’ that’s why, that’s exactly why y’all are talkin’ bout Auburn now. Y’all make m so mad … Paul, ugh, I could rip your scrawny head off your scrawny little body. You make me so mad and so sick sometimes, it don’t matter what y’all think or what y’all say, Auburn WILL ALWAYS BE NUMBER ONE IN MY BOOK … WAR DAMN EAGLE!”
So who takes the cake as this season’s most entertaining caller? Although Tammy’s superb grammar and passionate rant were quite impressive, I believe that Alabama fan, Phyllis from Mulga, is the clear winner. Not only did Phyllis make some top notch arguments (Alabama’s dynasty is certainly not over), but her creative way of referring to Colin Cowherd as “cow turd” is what puts her over the top. It is my sincere hope that Phyllis will continue calling into the Finebaum show. Her insightful analysis of Alabama football is profound, smart, and witty.
Congratulations Phyllis and Roll Tide.
