Who are you anyway?

I find, I am

asking myself that question

A lot.

But you reading this,

Do you know…

Who you are?

I’m trying to the best of my ability, to give you something to think about or to question. I guess in a way, to spark a topic of conversation. Well… with yourself… and it may not make the most sense. So bare with me. You see I think about these things a lot.

This article is merely made up of some of my very own scrambled thoughts spattered all over the page but maybe you can find something beautiful within them, maybe you can find a bit of yourself.

Who am I?

Who are you?

Do you ever stop and think about it? Or are you afraid to?

Have you ever been asked to describe yourself in only a number of words?

I don’t like this challenge. I think it’s actually impossible, and quite blatantly pretty dull. Or at least it makes us out to be.

I don’t even know that out of the countless number of defined words in any language on earth, any amount could even do it justice. To describe a human being to their fullest.

You see there’s a big difference between surface and depth. What we let others see, is different from what we let ourselves see. So truly, I wonder if maybe everyone else is missing out because they don’t get to see the side of us we keep hidden behind closed doors and locked up in our minds.

But then again, people come and go, some more important to us than others. And to an extent, we show some the hidden parts of our minds, but never everything. I think it’d be pretty impossible. There’s a lot that we experience within ourselves that we can’t even put into words or understand. So how could we explain it to someone else? We just have to sit back and experience it all first hand. In our own minds.

And to be quite honest we might all be living in very different realms. We don’t experience things the same way or perceive the world around us in the same way.

I think it would be so nice to step into another’s point of view for even just an hour. Not only to see theirs but to escape your own. Incredible actually. Maybe even frightening.

Sometimes I feel like I’m made up of much more than just “me.”

I often feel like when I talk to people, I’m not being true to myself. And this seldom happens while the conversation is going on, but after when I’m alone and stumbling upon feelings of regret. Not that I have done anything wrong, but rather because I question my honesty towards myself. I question my whole self because the girl I heard talking to her friend in class 30 minutes ago doesn’t sound anything like the girl voicing my thoughts right now.

It’s almost as if being alone turns out to be the exact opposite of what it insinuates.

Because when I’m alone, other parts of me, that don’t come around with others, choose to make their appearance.

It seems sometimes as though there is no consistency. And I get frustrated with myself.

Everyone says now is the time to find yourself, but I feel that I’m always in several places at once. I can’t quite keep a hold on myself to stick to one at a time. I want to go everywhere and to see everything. Even if these places are polar opposites and contradict one another. I somehow find myself at each end, unsure of which part of myself to run towards first.

Though I think as much as we try to make sense of things and it can be entertaining for our brains, a lot of things aren’t meant to make sense. Curious by nature, as all of us are, I will continue to fidget with these ideas and questions in my head, as I encourage you to as well, but I want to try to take the time to appreciate the complexity and mystery just as much as I don’t understand it. Because sometimes you have to splatter stuff all over the page and make a bit of a mess to find something beautiful. And I think a lot of us make fantastically beautiful messes.

(I’m going to leave it at that, short and sweet, a vague 732 words, because I’m sure your minds can carry you on for pages more.)