"Who am I?"
Ever ask yourself that? I do... On a daily basis actually.
I question myself so much, especially lately. Reality just slapped me in the face one day and I began to question who I was and who I was becoming. The follow up question is what got to me: "Do I love the person I am?" The answer is what scared me the most.
I answered, "no."
At that moment, everything made sense. I realized why I was becoming so distant from everyone in my social and personal life. I realized why I couldn't sleep at night and why I constantly felt anxious. I just didn't feel right. I spent so much time loving everything else so hard that I forgot how to love myself. Everyone around me noticed it before I did but I became so unapproachable, they didn't know how to tell me. It hit me in the face like a brick and I honestly didn't know what to do.
So I took a step back.
I took a step back from everything and began to focus on just me. I needed to look at the big picture. I needed to remind myself what it was like to be an individual... a genuinely happy individual. An individual who was happy enough with herself to admit that she loved herself. I wasn't able to love anything else to my greatest ability without loving myself first. I needed to make myself a priority again.
Easier said, than done, right? Being the person I am, I am always so invested on everyone else that I end up leaving myself in the dust. I put everyone else before myself. I care more about other's feelings than my own. I hate being the person to hurt someone else. As a result of all of this, I bottle up everything I feel and it ultimately destroyed me.
Now, I am not saying that being selfless and a great human being is a bad thing. It's not. The "bad thing" is forgetting that you're a priority too. The "bad thing" is trying to love everyone else but not giving yourself the time of day. Loving others harder than you love yourself is the "bad thing." It only becomes "bad" when you can't make yourself happy and can't love the person you are. It's not healthy or fair to you.
My advice to you is as follows: Love yourself first. Make time to pamper yourself both physically and mentally. Make yourself #1 priority, always. Focus on yourself and the things that are going to benefit you. Bring out the most genuine form of yourself. Care about others but don't forget to care about YOU. Then, ask yourself again, "do I love the person I am?" If the answer is yes, then and only then are you ready to spread that love to everyone else.
