Woven together by choice,

Strengthened by love,

Tested by everything,

And each uniquely ours.

What is it like being a white woman with a black man?

After being asked several times, I'm finally going to answer. It's not a simple answer. Matter of fact, there's more than one answer. But to get to them, I have to start from the very beginning.

I was raised in a mostly white town surrounded by hyper-religion and racism. It was okay to be friends with black people, but don't you dare date one. "Stick to your own race. It's what God intended." It was a load of bullcrap that I was fed through various family members. The only person who didn't have anything to say about race was my mother.

I was a newly single first-time mother of a beautiful baby boy when I first laid eyes on my fiance. I was coming out a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with my ex-husband. When Deangelo, my fiance, was actually sweet to me, it was like a breath of fresh air. After dating for a few months, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to have a mixed baby. And I couldn't have been more excited.

So, I invited him to come meet one of my most important family members- my hyper-religious Pentecostal great grandmother.

I was expecting the worse when this six foot tall black man walked through the door behind me at her house. But, she hugged him. She accepted him as he was and welcomed him into the family. She accepted me. She loved me even though I was dating a black man. She was even excited that I was having another baby (even though she wished I would have waited longer since I had a nine month old son)

"God doesn't make mistakes," she said to us.

I can't say the same about the rest of my family. My step-father and I grew apart after I moved out when my mother and him divorced. But, we still stayed in touch. However, when he found out I was with Deangelo, he completely dumped me. No calls. Not even a "Happy Birthday" post on my Facebook wall. He has yet to meet either of my children or Deangelo. My family on my great grandmother's side refuses to even acknowledge my existence. They'll buy my son something for Christmas. Sometimes they'll purchase something cheap for my daughter. However, nearly three years later, they have yet to buy something for my black step-son. We typically have to buy something and say it is from them so his feelings are not hurt. They refuse to be in the same room as me or Deangelo and will leave shortly after we arrive. But, that's the sad reality of being a white woman with a black man.

However, on Deangelo's side of the family, I was openly accepted. They loved my son and I and were as excited, if not more, about the baby on the way as we were.

Then, there are the stereotypes. People are often surprised when I say that I am engaged to a black man. I'm either "too country" or "too white". (Who knew there was such a thing as too white.) Apparently, I was supposed to have big hoop earrings, a nose piercing, and some kind of tattoo on my shoulder. I was supposed to have serious self-esteem issues and it was "just a rebellious phase". It couldn't be as simple as a country white girl fell in love with a city black man. But, it reality, that's all it was. I simply fell in love with a black man.

Let's not forget about the derogatory remarks and hate that was spewed towards me. Anytime I turn down a man on social media, I automatically become a "n*gger lover". I've even been messaged by a black woman claiming that I am the reason that a good black woman couldn't find a decent man. "All ya'll white girls are scooping up the good black men just so we can't have them. Because they're with ya'll, they hate us." There was even one time at Wal-Mart that a group of young teenage boys (who had seen me with Deangelo a few aisles over) threw eggs at me and called me names. For what? Because I was seen with a black man.

So, what is it like being a white woman with a black man?

It is tougher than Hell. However, I wouldn't change anything. Because of all we've been through and all we will go through, we are stronger as a family.

We are a blended blessing.