I’ve been a white, heterosexual girl my entire life. Two-thirds of these qualities are privileges that I was given at birth. I had no say in it, and I did not earn it

To be clear, I don’t mean that being white means that you get everything you want or that you have tons of money — that’s not true. There are black people who have more money than I do, and there are Hispanics who have had less dramatic lives, but I still have white privilege. Because of my pigment, I’ve never been worried about the police shooting my father just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because of my appearance, people subconsciously assume I’m trustworthy.

Still, I’ve lived most of my life trying to treat everyone equally. I don’t judge my friends based on color and I don’t discriminate culture. However, I’ve realized over time it’s not enough… And that drives me crazy!

So, I sat down and thought, “What can I do?” and came up with a couple of ways I can be a white activist without losing my mind over things I can’t control.

Think outside of your experiences

Life is not the same for anyone, and what is true for you is almost never true for someone else. So, the first thing I recommend is consciously admitting that no one has had the same experience as you. This is true for everyone and of every background.

No two people have the same lives, and the sooner we stop making assumptions, the sooner we can actually get to know people. For example, it would be wrong to assume every black person grew up in the ghetto or that every white person is rich (assumptions swing both ways). Instead, allow people to have a blank canvas and paint their own picture of themselves.

Ask questions

I’ve never met someone who was insulted by my curiosity. Obviously, you may want to stay away from super personal questions until you know them better, but most people like talking about where they came from. Ask about their culture and opinions with an open mind, it's one of the easiest way to break down barriers.

Listen

Clearly, if you ask a question you should listen to an answer. More importantly, you should neither be disappointed by the answer you get nor should you argue it. I feel like this goes for most conversations, but especially those about race and culture. Again, be aware that their life has been different than yours and be receptive to what they choose to share. You don’t have to agree, they won’t always agree with you, but it’s important to be respectful.

Include

Everyone is subconsciously drawn to people who look and think like them; it’s human nature. So, I believe it’s important to consciously surround yourself with people who make you a better person. For me, this include people who have a variety of opinions, backgrounds and beliefs. What’s the point in surrounding yourself with only people who are like you? When you live this way, you don’t grow. So, make an effort to include a variety of people in your life, but don’t try to force a friendship for the sake of being able to claim diversity.

Recognize We’re All Human

It makes me incredibly sad that many of us view those of different cultures as the “others.” We need to start thinking in terms of “we” verses “them.” No one comes together when they feel separated. For that reason, we need to appreciate instead of pointing out our differences; we need to start thinking like we’re all human because (this may seem surprising) we are.

Our nation's social and racial issues will not be fixed by one person or even one race. We all need to put aside our bitterness for us to move forward and appreciate the things that make us different. I can't go back in time to right the wrongs of the past, but, in the words of Martin Luther King Jr, “We have before us the glorious opportunity to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of our society.” I’m trying to be a part of that.