Our surroundings in a media based society have led us to believe that our happiness is based off our connections with others and how much power we can achieve through our social base. The classrooms we have sat in since a young age with computers transforming from the large dinosaur-like purple-backed monsters, to our paper thin MacBook Airs, have led my way to one basic question that I have found the answer to recently. Where does one truly find happiness?

I can give you the answer to this question. The answer is a cliché one, but just give me some time to explain. Happiness comes from within. Happiness does not come from our connections with others, the relationships we fall into, the love we find with someone else, the power we feast, or the money we make in today’s “technologically savvy” world. Put down your phone and look around. You are truly the only one having an affect on your life. When you lay your head on your pillow the only person thinking about your personal joy and sanity is you. Therefore, your happiness comes from nothing but you and only you can fulfill your own joy.

Then I still had more questions; my larger question led me to even smaller ones. I was still finding myself confused on how I could find this happiness from inside myself. We have constructed this “false sense of joy” through so many connections to the world around us. I wondered how I was ever supposed to separate this “false joy” from the real joy I would feel from within myself. I realized I had to be alone I had to be comfortable being by myself in a room with nothing but me. I didn’t need the connections with anyone around me and I didn’t need temporary joy from things anymore.

I went months experimenting with secluding myself and just spending even an hour turning off my phone and writing. It brought me so much perspective and I gained a sense of respect and love for myself that I didn’t have before. I realized how significant our own thoughts and just being one with ours selves is to our health and happiness.

The biggest thing that has helped me is reading. I love quotes I have found. I love books with meaning behind them that one can relate to and take advice from. I love scrolling through Tumblr and finding motivational quotes or ones that I can take back and just reflect on myself with. Then one quote finally made everything click for me.

This is how I have formed the quote to fit my personal life motto:

“You have to be comfortable being alone before you can be with anyone else. (Friends, family relationships) Otherwise, you will find yourself forming bonds with others not sure if its out of love or loneliness.”

Breaking that down a little more… we have to be comfortable alone with ourselves, happy in our own skin (harder said than done with the stigmas around us), and love/accept ourselves before we can bring anything else into our lives.

Start with a simple change. Take a night to yourself at home and run a hot bath, listen to your favorite music, do something you love, and eat your favorite food. See if you feel empty from the “false joys” we have grown to believe determine our definition of our own happiness. I was frightened by how empty I had grown to the simple things I had loved to do on my own.

However, overtime I have learned to love sitting at home and watching my favorite show and just smiling and realizing I am happy living just breathing and being me. That’s what happiness really is.