Before coming to college, I had only ever lived in one house and one city my entire life. This is what I mean when I say "city of birth", my first 18 years of living and experiencing the world from birth to right before college. I am now a sophomore in college and have been given more freedom and responsibility than I have ever had in my life. Renting a home, borrowing my parent's car and having to buy and prepare my own food are a few of the new responsibilities I have taken on this year. This had led to my internal reflection as to where I feel is my home. I have come to a conclusion, but there were so many elements and conflicts that have led me to my decision.

1. I have so many roots in my city of birth

The 18 years of living and learning about my city of birth has led me to make and develop so many relationships and memories in that town. I know the town like the back of my hand and could tell you how to get pretty much everywhere. I am aware of everything there is to do and see in the city, and the annual events have become monotonous.

2. I have only lived in my college town for less than two years

The process of learning and discovering new places and sites to see has only just begun. I still have so many places that I have heard about that I want to go explore. There are even so many things that I don't know about this town. Some parts are a mystery that still need to be discovered.

3. In my city of birth, I can't go anywhere without seeing someone I know

My sister and I always look at each other before we leave the house and say that we hope we don't see someone we know once we pull out of the driveway. This is never true since I know so many people and faces from my 18 years of experience in my town of birth. I will inevitably know someone every time that I leave my house.

4. In college town, I have few connections and contacts

I am confident when I go out of my house to buy groceries that no one will bother me. No one will reach out and say hi, because I don't know enough people to run into someone that I know in a larger city. This also is a challenge because I don't have as many people I can go to about the many questions that come up in my life. I have less job connections and knowledge-based connections. This all comes with the territory of getting to know a new place.

5. I feel guilty leaving parents and childhood behind

I don't know about you, but my mom gets very sad when I don't come back to her home as often as she would like. She doesn't hold back in telling me her feelings on the matter either. I do want to see and spend time with my family but every time I go back to my city of birth, something feels off. I feel out of place, I don't have friends to hang out with, and I don't have any other purpose to be there except to send time with family. When I am home, my sister usually has her own things to do and people to see, so suddenly I am left at home with my parents. They have too much on their plate to drop everything in their life just to hang out with me, plus I am not entertaining enough to do so! This feeling of being out of place in the city I had lived in for 18 years is not a feeling that I would have predicted before coming to college.

6. I enjoy the comfort of the routine of my independent life

In my college town, I am my own boss. I have to figure things out for myself (with the occasional call to supportive parents). I am responsible for getting everything done for school and other chores that need to be attended to. I have to figure out when and how much I will do of all of these things. I have come to a pretty solid routine of what I do when, how much time I take to do things and what I prioritize. I don't have anyone pushing me to get things done, because I know I will get them done on time.

7. The division of my belongings

Is home where you keep your belongings? If this is the case, I have much of my clothing in my city of birth and a lot of my clothing with me at college. I have lots of photos and memory books back in my city of brith, but I am also collecting many memorabilia and memories here at college as well. I think that where your belongings are kept is not a sufficient definition of home.

8. The Webster Dictionary definition of home

Webster Dictionary has lots of different definitions of the word "home". These definitions include "one's place of residence", "the social unit formed by a family living together", and "place of origin". All of these definitions are very conflicting. The first definition would seem to point towards college, since that is where I am currently living. The second definition challenged your definition of family (which is an entirely different discussion to be had), but in the traditional sense points towards my city of birth. While the third definition also points towards my city of birth. Then why do I not feel "at home" while I am in my city of birth?

9. My personal definition of home

While I am no expert, my last couple of years of experience and discussion with many other college students about this topic I have come to believe in home as something other than my "place of origin". I believe that home is where you feel the most comfortable. It is where you have the support of friends (who may become your "family") and other people who are looking out for you or are there to ask questions. It is where your daily routine is. It is where you can always go back when you need time or space away from everything going on in your life. I think the phrase, home is where your heart is, is the most realistic way of describing where I feel is my home.

In my opinion, my home has come to by my college town. For pretty much every reason listed above. I still don't like to scratch out my first 18 years of existence though. When talking about going back to see my parents, I have started referring to it as "home, home". This silly sounding term acknowledges that it isn't my one true home anymore. It is not meant for me to be living at "home, home" anymore, I know this because of the discomfortable feeling I experience while I am there. This doesn't mean I shouldn't visit and pop in, but I have also come to terms with the fact that it is okay to move on. I am so very grateful for the many decisions and life moments that have brought me to know where I am at home today.

Resource:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/home

By: Lizzy Cisewski