The case of Harambe the gorilla and the little boy at the Cincinnati zoo is one that has received national coverage over the last week. It seems like everybody and their mother (forgive the pun) has weighed in on who’s at fault for the incident. Some people have taken the side of the mother, saying that parenthood is hard, and one mistake shouldn’t define the parent, it’s just unfortunate that this mother’s mistake is now everyone else’s business. Some take the side of the gorilla, defending Harambe’s actions and arguing that he was simply being protective of the small boy in his cage.

After an insightful conversation with my sister, she brought an interesting question to my attention. Where in all of this mess was the dad? Everyone is so quick to blame the mom. She must have been neglectful, she ignored the boy telling her he was going to climb into the enclosure, she should be charged. But amidst all of this controversy, nobody is even stopping to consider the fact that it takes two people to create a child, and only one was present. Obviously, parents aren’t together all of the time, but it might be worth playing the devil’s advocate to consider that if both parents were at the zoo, maybe it would have been easier to keep track of the child. Or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered, sometimes children are simply too fast, that’s not an excuse, it’s a fact.

So why in all of this was the father’s whereabouts not even questioned. Why hasn’t there been any sort of news story that even mentions his existence? This lack of acknowledgment points to a greater problem in our culture. If it had been a father who had brought his son to the zoo, without the gorilla enclosure event, he would be praised for being so involved and caring as a dad. When celebrity males are pictured out in public with their children it is eaten up by the paparazzi and published on most gossip sites, because for some reason we as a society find that noteworthy. These are things that should be expected from a decent father, not something that society swoons over. Oh, he’s taking responsibility for the child that he decided to have, how novel!

These are standards that we need to set because if we don’t set them, who will? I’m obviously not saying that all dads or even most dads are absentee or that the dad in the case of Harambe is absentee. I’m not placing any blame. I’m simply stating that the idea that a dad would be involved in the day to day happenings of his child’s life is not a unique idea. I use celebrity examples because they are the easiest to pinpoint. Think about reading a tabloid, when a male is pictured with his children somewhere like a park he is called compassionate and praised for being a great guy. When a female is pictured doing the same thing, she isn’t praised for her motherhood, it is almost seen as expected, and that is where the divide lies. Both parents should realistically be interacting with their children, but when they do one is praised while one is shrugged off.