I always thought loving was a bond shared between two people. An exchange of displaying affection, devotion, trust, and unconditional care. All of this exclusive to two. But what exactly is the onset of love? The premise? The foundation? Are all of these things exclusive to two as well?

Loving is one of the most beautiful, important, solid, and sometimes damning things an individual can experience. It takes patience, it takes compassion, and most of all, courage. There’s no sure-fire way to prepare for love or to fall in love that is, but there is one thing that can help produce a life filled with love, acceptance, and happiness. This one thing is not exclusive to two, but to one. It is of singular importance and will have infinite benefit to your relationships and your life. The singular most important and difficult foundation to the art of loving is confidence and loving yourself.

No, I am not the most confident individual in the world, but I know one thing is for sure, the presence of confidence can be the greatest key to a successful relationship and lack thereof is the greatest demise. From experience, I have always been more devoted and interested in a man that treats me poorly, rather than a man treating me with love and respect. I would rather run to inconsistency, misery and run from consistent care, affection, and attention. Why? Because I lacked the confidence needed to know what I wanted out of a companion and more importantly, what I deserved.

Everyone, whether they admit it or not, is programmed to seek acceptance, affection, and love from someone other than themselves. It is human nature. That is all fine and well, but how can one accept all of those things from others without giving themselves the same respect. You see, you cannot accept greater love than the love you give yourself. What you think of yourself is the person you present yourself to be in the eyes of others and how you feel about yourself is silently communicated to those you come in contact with. This will almost always determine the mate you choose in life because we attract or more importantly give time to people who we think are good enough to accept our flawed characteristics.

Look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Who do you see? Now, how do you feel? Are you pleased? Could you fall in love with someone like you? And if you can’t, can you see anyone else loving you in return? Are you satisfied with your answers?

The love you give yourself is the same love you will seek. If you do not love yourself enough, if you’re unkind to yourself, if you have a negative perspective of the person you are and are filled with insecurities about who have become, then the mate you choose will not love and respect you to his or her best ability. Why? Because you show them that it is okay to give you less than you bargain for, after all, that is what you give yourself. A confident individual will not pick the man or woman that decides to give you love on their time, but all the time. A confident individual will not only expect but require respect, reciprocation, and consistency without ever having to ask for it.

In order to be loved by another, you must love yourself first. Let me be the first to say, it’s not easy. It is a work in progress, but it is well worth it. You are special, you are one of a kind, you are beautiful, your body is beautiful, you are worth it and good enough, and you deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel like this, and you deserve this love from yours truly, you. Challenge yourself to fall in love today, but not with someone else, but with the person you wake up in the morning and see in the mirror every day: you.