Gentleman. "A man who treats other people in a proper and polite way; a man of high social status." At least this is the way Webster dictionary defines a gentleman. However, when young women search for a gentleman she can call her own, “proper” and “polite” are rarely attributes young women search for.
This week I asked women of all ages what their definition of a gentleman was. Could this definition change as we grow older so our standards change? Or, do we always have the same idea of a gentleman thus dating men that aren’t deserving?
Here’s what they said:
“He is kind, cares about everyone, and doesn't date you for your body, but rather for who you are.”
-Annicka Nichols, 8th grade
“A gentlemen is someone who is very polite and respectful towards your family and friends even if he isn't the biggest fan of them.”
-Kylee Hall, Junior in high school
“To me, a gentleman is someone who sees and treats you as an equal… A gentleman is someone who thinks attributes like intelligence, morals, and humor is sexy, not just your body.”
-Kate Houston, Junior in college
“A true gentleman is someone who treats everyone with the same respect. His acts of kindness don't know gender.”
-Shreya Pramanick, applying to Med. School
“A true gentleman considers the needs of those around him before his own. He helps those who need help. Mainly, he is considerate to others.”
-Sioux Benson, 57 years old
“A gentleman tells you that you look beautiful even on your worst day at the salon where you ended up with carrot orange hair.”
-Sheri Braun, 73 years old
“He would be truthful and faithful… He gives to the poor with a smile and has a kind word for most everyone he meets.”
-Alberta Rodriguez, 79 years old
Across all ages, women look for the same thing in a true gentleman: respect.
We, as women, want gentlemen who respect everyone, not just us. Whether it be friends and family or a random person on the street. We expect men to embrace our internal qualities and project kindness to all those around us. And so, why, on our search for a man, is this sense of a “gentleman” lost. Why do we forfeit our standards and go after men who don’t have these qualities?
Young women around me, including myself, put up with disrespect from certain men around us. “Netflix and chill” is not a date. Talking down to our family and friends, much less ourselves, should not be tolerated. Belittling strangers is not an attractive quality. Yet we see these actions taken by men day after day. And while we can sit here and hate on men for these unattractive qualities, I believe it is more important for women to recognize the power they hold to make this change.
If women take a stand and stop tolerating these actions, they will stop. Men want women just as much as we women want a man. Once men realize that these acts of disrespect aren’t tolerated, they will learn to change. Instead of making excuses for why these actions are acceptable and allowing men around us to treat us with anything less than respect, we must start holding men accountable for their actions. If we won’t teach them that their actions are wrong, then no one will. By allowing these actions to take place, we send the message that how they are acting is okay.
As women, we have the power to choose to only be with men who maintain respect. So let’s not give attention to anyone less than a true gentlemen.
