I am not so sure I am ready to leave. Actually, I am not quite sure I will ever fully be ready to leave. I continually talk about moving out, and getting my own place and how exciting it will be! Yet, in the back of my mind I am completely terrified. I constantly go back and forth, it’s a struggle trying to make up my mind and I have mixed feelings on this whole dilemma. Maybe that is because as much as I want to live elsewhere I know home is where my roots are. I have never had to get used to moving around like some people, which I am grateful for in most ways. Truth is, I have no idea what it would be like to leave my home. (Besides the four years of college and vacations, of course). I have literally lived in the same house my whole life, for over 25 years now. I know every nook, every sound and where the sun hits when it rises in the morning. I could walk this house with my eyes closed. Same city, same neighborhood, and same house since the day I came home from the hospital. The whole, “small town and you are more than likely going to run into someone you know no matter where it is you go in town” kind of gig. You know, when it almost feels like somehow everyone is connected and your whole family basically just owns the place. Some people think it’s weird, but I find it mostly endearing. You know all of your neighbors, all the short cuts and back roads, best places to eat, and perks of living in this area. It almost feels as if you “own” a piece of this town, but you know that this town owns a piece of you. It is one of the most difficult things to leave something that you’ve known forever behind you. The memories I have and the connection to this house and this area is something I am truly afraid to part with. It’s a love and hate relationship.

I know how it feels, that everyone around you seems to be moving on and settling down, and you just feel sort of lost. However, maybe it’s not as odd as it may feel, that even though at 25 your parents are your roommates. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to save as much money as I have, and to also spend as much time with my parents as possible. As, they are older and I am also an only child and the thought of leaving them alone is something I would rather not have to do. It’s a dilemma I face every day. I constantly am looking for houses and then convincing myself that a few more months at home won’t be too bad. It’s my home base, safe-house, and a sense of serenity. I have to continually remind myself that it is OKAY that I may be taking a little longer than my friends to settle down, and that things will eventually work out. What is important for anyone in this position is to remember is that everything happens for a reason, and things will fall into place when the time is right. For now, I am enjoying being able to save money, do the things I want to do with no financial restrictions, and spend time with my family in a place that I love more than anywhere else. I am not afraid to admit that I have an attachment to this house and this neighborhood and this town which is irreplaceable. Contemplating moving gives me a bittersweet feeling, and maybe I am just not quite yet ready to leave and that is OKAY.

I want to make sure others who are going through these kinds of similar, mixed feelings know that being a little behind your friends is not a bad thing. In fact, you may be able to experience even more things that way. Travel, go to events, pay off your loans, spend time with your family, and don’t live paycheck to paycheck. Be proud of where you came from, no matter how small the town. It is in fact, what shaped you and where you grew up. You probably have more memories and a stronger bond in that same house than anywhere else. Nothing is wrong with being maybe a LITTLE late to the “adult” world- as long as you do eventually get there. The important thing to understand is that you are definitely not alone in this and to cherish the connection you have to the house that “built” you. These are a few things that people know to be true when you’ve lived in the same small town for, forever. The constant dilemma and back and forth you face attempting to figure out where you really want to go in life, but knowing that this same small town you have this love-hate relationship with will always be your saving grace. This place is your home, and your support system. It is the one place you feel at peace no matter what, your comfort zone. Here is my advice: appreciate everything you’ve learned and never forget where you came from, but challenge yourself to explore and experience everything that you can; but in your OWN time.