The idea of social anxiety in extroverts has become a popular topic lately and I want to throw in my two cents.
I'm one of those people. I've never had a problem with making friends. I love people. I love learning about people and spending time with them. I, like any extrovert, get my rest from being around people. However, I have social anxiety. I'm crippled within a paradox of wanting to be with people and constantly watching my back around people. Let me explain what this looks like.
1. I have a constant need to impress people.
I'm a people pleaser. I always have been. I want people to be happy and I want to provide their happiness. That being said, I feel the need to impress them. I need to make them laugh. I need to do something cool. I need to make sure they're entertained, even at my own expense. Like I said, I get rest from being around people, but I also completely exhaust myself trying to impress people. A socially anxious extrovert is constantly at ease and constantly on the edge when they're around other people. We need to be with them, but it also tears us apart.
2. I will think about everything I've said for months.
Before I started writing this article I was thinking about something I said two months ago. I was torturing myself over something I said to a friend of mine two months ago. The funny thing is what I said wasn't particularly hurtful or mean; it was just out of place. I doubt that they can even remember exactly what I said. I doubt that if they were reading this, they would assume it was them. But, because I constantly need to please people and bring them joy, I obsess over every little mistake I made. The slightly confused look on their face burns in the back of my mind and makes me cringe. A socially anxious extrovert is always treading lightly and looking back. It takes away from the joy and the rest we find when we are with people because we constantly try to avoid the next mistake.
3. Alone time will help me clear my head, but totally depress me.
It's hard to win. When I'm with people I'm anxious, but when I'm alone I start to feel utterly depressed. You see, when a socially anxious extrovert is alone, they can start to feel at ease, but the longing to be with people will slowly creep in. Eventually, the longing will turn into depression and a need to be around other people. If that's not the case, the all the regret will soon find its way in. Remember how I said I think about all the wrongs things I've said? That happens when I'm alone and that will yet again cause anxiety. A person with social anxiety who is an extrovert will rarely find true peace.
4. Sometimes I move through friends quickly.
This is the worst of them all. As someone who loves people, it hurts me to admit this. I've had a lot of friends that I've been with for years now and hope to know for the rest of my life, but that isn't always the case. Sometimes I back out. For a socially anxious extrovert a few bad experiences with friendships or any relationships can lead to mistrust. I'm still scarred by some friendships gone wrong in high school. I'm constantly aware of what I must have done wrong for these relationships to fail and because of that I break things off now. I'm afraid that I will screw things up so badly that it will be beyond repair, so I cut things off before that can happen now. I'm afraid I've said too much or done something so horrible that I make the first move and call things off even if the other person has no intention to do so. I'm afraid to repeat the past, despite being a different person now.
We socially anxious extroverts are constantly torn. We overthink everything. We freak ourselves out. But we don't want sympathy. All that we need is patience. All that we need is a little understanding when we're acting weird.
